Liverpool launch own TV station

[Mordac]

First day schedule

8:00-9:00 Scrapheap Challenge

Two teams of contestants try to assemble a decent football team from the Liverpool squad.

9:00-11:00 Film: As Good As It Gets

Liverpool qualify for the UEFA Cup.

11:00 - 12:00 Faking It

Gerard Houllier pretends to be a football manager but will he fool anyone??

12:00 - 13:00 How do they do that?

Stories behind the most unbelievable events and occurrences. This weeks programme concentrates on Emile Heskey. How does he keep getting picked for the England team? How comes a guy built like a "Brick Privy" spends more time on his back then Jordan does? The most unbelievable story is HOW THE HELL did he manage to score an overhead kick against Birmingham?
Was it meant to be a pass? Find out.......

14:00 - 15:00 The Weakest Link

Anne Robinson hosts this popular quiz programme.
Tonights special contestants are the entire Liverpool midfield.

15:00 - 16:00 Holby City

This weeks episode: "Hypochondriac". Michael Owen is admitted for another hamstring injury sustained playing pool/golf with his mates, but discharges himself immediately when he realises he's forgotten his Teddy Bear.

16:00 - 18:00 Film: End of Days

Liverpool's realisation that a once great European footballing force now target the Worthless Cup as their only hope of silverware (besides nicking hubcaps). Hubcaps it is then......

18:00 - 19:00 Film '04

Jonathan Ross reviews all the latest blockbuster movies. This week he reviews Bend It Like Big Nose, El Hadj Diouf and the 40000 Thieves.

19:00 - 20:00 Who's Line is it Anyway?

Ex-Liverpool player and Anfield favourite Robbie Fowler discusses drug etiquette at parties and reflects on how Manchester "skag" isn't as good as that from Liverpool.

20:00 - 22:00 Newsnight Special

Incredible footage taken by the Americans, shot last Saturday, watched by the nation. A dazed, dishevelled and clearly bewildered leader being led from his temporary shelter. The slow realisation that the mighty empire he thought he ruled had assembled, and that the game was f inally up. Finally knowing that, instead of being loved, he was hated by his own people and laughed at by everyone else........... and Phil Thompson next to him in the dugout didn't look much better.

22:00 - 22:04 Attacking Highlights

All Liverpool's attacking highlights from the first half of the season.

[Dr Evil]

That's not nice is it?

[Mordac]

It did the trick though, look what a difference 2 years makes
Tell me, are you one of those plastic Scousers I'm perpetually surrounded by? Like the guy in my local who claims to be a die-hard red and last went to Anfield in 1983. It's not like he's skint either. Or the 4 Liverpool "fans" at my last site who've never been there ever.
Mind you, I can't really talk, I haven't been since May 89.

(I didn't actually go in May 89, that was a lie, but I just like saying May 89. A lot)

[Dr Evil]

I dunno - what classes me as a plastic scouser? I was at the Liverpool v Birmingham game on Wednesday - and I bought the tickets when no-one when no-one wanted them because it was a midweek game against a crappy lower table team. . . . .

[Mordac]

Fair enough. London is full of Liverpool fans who've never been there, I've always heard them referred to as "plastic scousers".

>it was a midweek game against a crappy lower table team. . . . .

So you were in The Brum end?

[Dr Evil]

Oooooooh I could crush a grape!!! No we were in the end singing "Steve Bruce has a big fat head" and "You're supposed to be in jail!!" to Jermaine Jenas . . . .


. . . . .and we scored 3 goals . . . . .

[Dr Evil]

You a Red then (at heart?)

[Mordac]

When it's the red of Arsenal, yes.

[janey]

ahhh bless none of you know the definition of a plastic scouser!

a true plastic scouser (a.k.a micky mouse scouser) is someone who has what people would deem a scouse accent but they aren't actually from liverpool... e.g. people from the wirral are often called plastic scousers



now for my next essay question??

[Mordac]

No we were in the end singing ...."You're supposed to be in jail!!" to Jermaine Jenas . . . .

Shame he couldn't hear you. Unless of course you meant Jermaine Pennant?

And thankyou for clearing that up Janey.