sex aids catalogue - peanut butter

[roger rabbit]

Recently my friend, who works as a nurse in a local hospital, came home chuckling to himself about idiots.
When I inquired as to what was so funny, he told me one of the most hillarious stories Ive ever heard.

A man came into the ER, bleeding heavily, without any testicles. As it turned out, the man had spread peanut-butter on his genitles so his German Shepard would lick it off, pleasuring him. The dog did begin to lick off the peanut-butter, but then suddenly bit down on his nuts! Severing them instantly.

I have conformation from my friend that the man is now sterile.

Submitted on 04/01/2003


Submitted by: Kyle Chapman
Reference:

Copyright © 2002 DarwinAwards.com

[fiddleabout]

I'd recommend Yorkies.

Once after a shower I'd only got a dressing gown on and bent down to stroke one - she started licking my tackle

I was going to sell the little bugger (must be worth a mint) but the missus wouldn't let me - long tongue too maybe ?

[xoggoth]

Admit its tempting but you cannot trust animals in this way. I have had a small colony of Wolverine up my bottom for years. I initially stuck two up for pleasure but the little bastards liked it so much they started breeding.

I have Richard Attenborough coming to do a wildlife program next week. It is very satisfying to be one of the last refuges of an endangered species but they don't 'alf itch sometimes.

PS Fiddle. Every A&E department in the country has heard that old "My dressing gown came open" excuse a thousand times before, along with "I slipped while showering and fell on the dog*" and "I was doing some housework in the nude and accidentally sucked my tackle in while Hoovering the curtains". My very favourite is "I have arthritis in my left hand and I have to open jars of pickled onions like that".

*Note
Also cat, hamster, traffic cone, lawnmower, hovercraft etc.

PPS Pedantic comment about RR spelling of "genitals".

[Exploding Goat]

Eugh! Wolverine! So Richard Gere.
So Elkishly expensible.
But I tell you brother, a dik-dik can replace them both.

[BrilloPad]

Admit its tempting but you cannot trust animals in this way. I have had a small colony of Wolverine up my bottom for years. I initially stuck two up for pleasure but the little bastards liked it so much they started breeding.

One of our servers is running quite slowly. I suspect either the dbas are not feeding the hamster properly or are using it Richard Gere style. What should I do?

[Alias]

erm...forget about it as its not your concern and carry on invoicing?

HTH

[Support Monkey]

many years ago when i was in hospital a nurse told me 2 stories.

One day they had a women come in with a plastic banana stuck inside her she explained this by saying she had been dusting the living room in the nude and had tripped and fell on a bowl of plastic fruit on the coffee table

And on another occassions a husband and wife turned up he holdings his crutch and the wife with a bandage on her head, the wife had been giving the husband a blowjob in the kitchen when she had an epileptic fit and bit down on his manhood, the only way he could get her to release her jaw was by grabbing a frying pan and beating her round the head with it

[BA to the Stars]

Makes note not to get a blow job from an epileptic

[churkus]

Admit its tempting but you cannot trust animals in this way. I have had a small colony of Wolverine up my bottom for years. I initially stuck two up for pleasure but the little bastards liked it so much they started breeding.

I have Richard Attenborough coming to do a wildlife program next week. It is very satisfying to be one of the last refuges of an endangered species but they don't 'alf itch sometimes.

PS Fiddle. Every A&E department in the country has heard that old "My dressing gown came open" excuse a thousand times before, along with "I slipped while showering and fell on the dog*" and "I was doing some housework in the nude and accidentally sucked my tackle in while Hoovering the curtains". My very favourite is "I have arthritis in my left hand and I have to open jars of pickled onions like that".

*Note
Also cat, hamster, traffic cone, lawnmower, hovercraft etc.

PPS Pedantic comment about RR spelling of "genitals".

dude, you straight up aint right in the hed

[BA to the Stars]

dude, you straight up aint right in the hed

Ah, you've met Xog then