For too long we men have been divided and conquered in the name of
equality, feminism and a host of other bobbins.
No more! The man fights back!!
Tell your friends, the 90's man is dead....Long live the Man of 2000.
Listen up ladies, below is how it REALLY is.....
* If you think you might be fat, you are. Don't ask us. Just get your
backside down a gym.
* Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put the bl**dy thing
down.
* Don't cut your hair. Ever. It causes arguments when we comment on it.
* Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we
can find the perfect present... again.
* Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
* Saturday = Football/Rugby/Any other sport. Let it be. Shopping is
not a sport.
* Anything you wear is fine. Really.
* Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
* Yes, pi**ing standing up is more difficult than pi**ing from point
blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
* Most blokes own two to three pairs of shoes, so what makes you think
we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look
good with your dress?
* 'Yes', 'No' and 'Mmm' are perfectly acceptable answers.
* A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
* Your Mum doesn't have to be our best friend.
* Check your oil. It is an essential part of the car.
* The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
months we were going out.
* Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
* It's not the dress that makes you look fat. It's all that bl**dy
chocolate you eat that makes you look fat.
* All comments become null and void after 7 days.
* Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed
makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to
deter us from reading them.
* The male models with the great bodies you see in magazines are all
g*y.
* If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
* Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we rate how
pretty you are?
* Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the
commercials.
* When we are in bed and look tired this means that we are tired
and does not mean that we want to discuss the relationship.
* If you want some dessert after a meal - have some. You don't have
to finish it. You can just taste it if you like but don't
say "No I couldn't/shouldn't/don't want any" and then eat half of
mine.
* Dieting doesn't work without exercise.
* If you're on a diet it doesn't mean my meals should be rabbit food
as well.
* A man's four essential food groups are: white meat, red meat, cold
beer and cold beer. Please ensure all meals contain a good balance
of the above in good quantities - everything else falls under the
category 'garnish'.
* Do not question our sense of direction
If you can learn the above, then man and woman con co-exist on a level
based on love and mutual respect. The ball's in your court.
equality, feminism and a host of other bobbins.
No more! The man fights back!!
Tell your friends, the 90's man is dead....Long live the Man of 2000.
Listen up ladies, below is how it REALLY is.....
* If you think you might be fat, you are. Don't ask us. Just get your
backside down a gym.
* Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put the bl**dy thing
down.
* Don't cut your hair. Ever. It causes arguments when we comment on it.
* Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we
can find the perfect present... again.
* Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
* Saturday = Football/Rugby/Any other sport. Let it be. Shopping is
not a sport.
* Anything you wear is fine. Really.
* Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
* Yes, pi**ing standing up is more difficult than pi**ing from point
blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
* Most blokes own two to three pairs of shoes, so what makes you think
we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look
good with your dress?
* 'Yes', 'No' and 'Mmm' are perfectly acceptable answers.
* A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
* Your Mum doesn't have to be our best friend.
* Check your oil. It is an essential part of the car.
* The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
months we were going out.
* Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
* It's not the dress that makes you look fat. It's all that bl**dy
chocolate you eat that makes you look fat.
* All comments become null and void after 7 days.
* Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed
makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to
deter us from reading them.
* The male models with the great bodies you see in magazines are all
g*y.
* If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
* Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we rate how
pretty you are?
* Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the
commercials.
* When we are in bed and look tired this means that we are tired
and does not mean that we want to discuss the relationship.
* If you want some dessert after a meal - have some. You don't have
to finish it. You can just taste it if you like but don't
say "No I couldn't/shouldn't/don't want any" and then eat half of
mine.
* Dieting doesn't work without exercise.
* If you're on a diet it doesn't mean my meals should be rabbit food
as well.
* A man's four essential food groups are: white meat, red meat, cold
beer and cold beer. Please ensure all meals contain a good balance
of the above in good quantities - everything else falls under the
category 'garnish'.
* Do not question our sense of direction
If you can learn the above, then man and woman con co-exist on a level
based on love and mutual respect. The ball's in your court.
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