Why do women take their children to supermarkets to smack them?
- Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
- Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!
Please put more jokes here
Collapse
X
Collapse
-
-
-
In mathematics, a transcendental number is a number (possibly a complex number) that is not algebraic, that is not a solution of a non-constant polynomial equation with rational coefficients.
Or in other words i've never seen a womans boobies, but my friend colin once pushed his moobs together and i got a hard on."Wait, I still function!"Comment
-
I've been advised to stop eating fish, on medical grounds.
Apparently I'm putting off the others in the waiting room."Wait, I still function!"Comment
-
Definition of pressure:
A wife, a mistress and a mortgage.
All one month late……"Wait, I still function!"Comment
-
Mr Cadbury met Ms Rowntree on a Double Decker, it was just After Eight. They got off at Quality Street, infront of the Fishermans Friend pub. He asked her name, "Polo, I'm the one with the hole" she said in a quiet Wispa. "I'm Marathon, the one with the nuts" he replied. They checked into a hotel, he touched her Creame Eggs and then he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt her Milky Way, He fondled her Flap Jacks and she rubbed his Tic Tacs. It was a Fab moment as she let out a scream of sheer Turkish Delight. Sadly, three days later his Sherbert Fountain started to drip. It turns out Ms Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett who had Allsorts!"Wait, I still function!"Comment
-
Who the fek puts in that extra stair when you're trying to walk downstairs in the dark?
The same person who takes one away when you try walking up them."Wait, I still function!"Comment
-
Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and pinning the tail on the donkey, but everyone can find and push the snooze button in under a second, eyes closed, first time, every time."Wait, I still function!"Comment
-
I heard a bloke singing, "Do... Re... Mi..." the other day.
I thought to myself, "He'll go Far.""Wait, I still function!"Comment
-
I see the new Michael Jackson film has been rated PG.
Even after his death he can't be trusted with kids.Comment
- Home
- News & Features
- First Timers
- IR35 / S660 / BN66
- Employee Benefit Trusts
- Agency Workers Regulations
- MSC Legislation
- Limited Companies
- Dividends
- Umbrella Company
- VAT / Flat Rate VAT
- Job News & Guides
- Money News & Guides
- Guide to Contracts
- Successful Contracting
- Contracting Overseas
- Contractor Calculators
- MVL
- Contractor Expenses
Advertisers
Contractor Services
CUK News
- How to answer at interview, ‘What’s your greatest weakness?’ Nov 14 09:59
- Business Asset Disposal Relief changes in April 2025: Q&A Nov 13 09:37
- How debt transfer rules will hit umbrella companies in 2026 Nov 12 09:28
- IT contractor demand floundering despite Autumn Budget 2024 Nov 11 09:30
- An IR35 bill of £19m for National Resources Wales may be just the tip of its iceberg Nov 7 09:20
- Micro-entity accounts: Overview, and how to file with HMRC Nov 6 09:27
- Will HMRC’s 9% interest rate bully you into submission? Nov 5 09:10
- Business Account with ANNA Money Nov 1 15:51
- Autumn Budget 2024: Reeves raids contractor take-home pay Oct 31 14:11
- How Autumn Budget 2024 affects homes, property and mortgages Oct 31 09:23
Comment