Please put more jokes here

[BrilloPad]

SIGN IN A STORE WINDOW.

'WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH
1000 AL QAEDA TERRORISTS THAN WITH
ONE SINGLE BRITISH SOLDIER!'



This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in CAMPBELTOWN, SCOTLAND.
You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement?

However, what about us being a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty -
After all, it is ONLY A SIGN ?



You may say. 'What kind of business would dare to post such a sign?'


A FUNERAL PARLOUR

(WHO SAID MORTICIANS HAD NO SENSE OF HUMOUR?)

[EternalOptimist]

A policeman from near Clapham junction
Had a penis that just wouldn't function
for the rest of his life
he misled his poor wife
With some snot on the end of his truncheon

[tino]

What's ET short for?




He's got wee legs

[EternalOptimist]

At the FA cup final last year, tickets were like gold dust, my brother got one . but I had to stay at home to watch it on telly.
He was amazed that the seat next to him was empty, at half time he phoned me, I was fuming. Anyway, he struck up a conversation with the guy on the other side of the empty seat and he explained the situation.
'My late wife and I were very very close, we did everything together as a team. I could never stand to be awy from her for more than five minutes. We were both season ticket holders, and we went to every single match, together. This empty seat would have been her seat'
'Well fair enough, but surely you have a relative, a brother, son or father who would have loved to be at the cup final in her honour?'

'Oh no, they are all at the funeral'

[Swiss Tony]

An Irish daughter had not been home for five years. Upon her return, her

Father shouted at her: 'where have you been all these years? Why didn’t you
call? Do you know what your mum and I went through?

The girl crying replied 'Dad I became a prostitute.' You what? ''Out of
here you shameless sinner. You are a disgrace to the family''

''Okay dad, as you wish'' she said. I just came to give mum this
luxurious fur coat, keys to a ten bedroom mansion, and a $5million savings
certificate.

For my little brother, this gold Rolex and for you dad, the sparkling
new edition Mercedes limited edition convertible that is parked outside. I
also have an invitation for you to spend New year on board my new yacht in
the Riviera and......... ......... ..

Now, shouted her dad, ''what is it you said you had become?
The girl started crying again, prostitute dad!

Oh you scared me, I thought you said you had become a PROTESTANT!!
Come here and give your old man a big hug.

[BrilloPad]

Bored on your way to work, on the bus, tube or train? Pretend you’re on the phone and talk about your 4 week holiday in Mexico. Hang up. Then sneeze...

[AtW]

.SKA

[BrilloPad]

.SKA

This is the best one yet!

[EternalOptimist]

This big Scouser is standing at the bar minding his own business. A guy minces in, wearing a pink shirt and carrying a man-bag. He stops, looks around then walks up and whispers in the scousers ear.
'Come into the gents and I will give you a blow-job'

The scouser turns round, kicks the living sh 1t out of the poofter then throws him out of the door.

Bar manager comes over and says 'blooming heck scouse, I've never seen you lose your temper before, what was that all about, what did he say to you ?'

'I dunno, something about a job'

[AtW]

'I dunno, something about a job'