Please put more jokes here

[BrilloPad]

A gay guy is in the doctor's office:
Doctor: I'm afraid I have bad news. You have an advanced case of AIDS.
Gay Guy: Oh, doctor, doctor, what am I going to DO?
Doctor: Well, I'd say go to Mexico. Drink as much of water as
you can. Not that bottled water - I'm talking about real Mexican
tap water. Then, eat as much of the local food as you can. Make
sure you eat plenty of beans, cabbage and lots and lots of fruit.
Buy hot dogs, tacos and burritos from street vendors, too.
Gay Guy: Doctor, will that cure me?
Doctor: Nope, but it will teach you what your asshole is for!

[BrilloPad]

Tonto stopped at a spot on the plains and put his ear
to the ground and said to the Lone Ranger, "Many
Indians have come here." The Lone Ranger marvelling at
his skills, asked Tonto how he knew this.
Tonto replied, "cause the ground is very sticky"

[BrilloPad]

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave
me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you
think it means?"

"You'll know on Valentine's Day." he said.

On Valentine's Day, the man came home with a small package and gave it to
his wife.
Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled....
"The Meaning Of Dreams."

[BrilloPad]

Helen and Amanda were discussing their busy schedules.

Helen said, “Amanda, I must ask you something. Every day I feel incredibly
run down and tired. And yet, I see you looking as fresh as a rose. I have to
know: what’s your secret?”

“My secret? Every morning, without fail, I wake up at six o’clock sharp.”

“You wake up at six o’clock?”

”Yes, and then I look at the clock, see what time it is, and go back to
sleep for another four hours.”

[BrilloPad]

What a woman says:

This place is a mess! C'mon! You and I need to clean up! Your stuff is lying
on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear if we don't do laundry right
now!

What a man hears:

blah,blah,blah,blah, C'MON
blah,blah,blah,blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah,blah,blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah,blah,blah,blah, NO CLOTHES
blah,blah,blah,blah, RIGHT NOW

[BrilloPad]

http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/28/16903.html

A 20-year-old Taiwanese woman had to have a mobile phone surgically removed
from her back passage after a sex game went horribly wrong.

According to a report by PA doctors in Taipei eventually managed to get the
phone - a Nokia 8850 - out and said kinky sex games with her boyfriend has
led to the rectal rumpus. Why a phone? Well, the vibrate function is
definitely thought to have something to do with it. Whose phone? We cannot
be sure whether she coveted her own phone or her boyfriend's. Or whether it
was damaged in the ordeal (apart from olfactorially)

We believe this is the first public case of a mobile phone being used for
such gratification. Well, internally anyway. And advances in miniaturisation
have certainly made anal insertion a more practical possibility.

Our resident sexual freak, Dr Ping Reece had this to say over the matter.
"She made a good choice in Nokia's 8850. Light, compact and with a smooth
finish that will reduce the frictional effects. The vibrate is a good, deep
shake as opposed to some modern phones that twitter rather than moan. It
also has a slide down panel, which has helped me out with a few difficult
extrications, I can tell you."

[BrilloPad]

A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go into a restaurant in London. The
waiter says, "Excuse me, but if you wanted the steak you might not get one
as there is a shortage."

The Texan said, "What's a shortage?"

The Russian said, "What's a steak?"

The New Yorker said, "What's excuse me?"

[BrilloPad]

Why are women like tornadoes?

Because when they come, they're wet and wild, and when they go, they take your
car as well.

[BrilloPad]

What is a CAT?
1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.

CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats.

What is a DOG?
1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of
furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but
don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They leave their toys everywhere.
8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to
give you a kiss.
9. They go right to your crotch as soon as they meet you.

CONCLUSION: They're tiny men in little fur coats.

[BrilloPad]

A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon were having drinks at the bar after an
interfaith convention.
The Jew, bragging about his virility said "I have four sons, one more
and I'll have a basketball team!."
The Catholic poo-poohed this accomplishment, stating, "Thats nothing
boy, I have 10 sons, one more and I'll have a football team."
To which the Mormon replied, "You fellers ain't got a clue. I have 17
wives, one more and I'll have a golf course!."