CUK Insomnia Club

[BrilloPad]

to answer your question:

3 kids quite young, eldest just got to secondary school.
Seeing them once a week, twice if I'm lucky.
Reason for splitting - differing views of what "living within our means" is - overall result is that all my pre-marriage savings are lost and I now have thousands in credit card debts and STBex doesn't want to even discuss how to change, telling me I should get a job that pays more!

anyway tired now - no insomnia g'nite!

f**k! And she reckons divorce will give her more money?

Is there any way you can both get to councelling? It needs to be made clear to her that her current actions will leave her far worse off. And more importantly the children.

You didn't say how young the youngest is - but must be close to 5? She really needs to get a job to get income and give her something to do. At 5 she will have to get a job anyway. You need to tell her that - her solicitor should have told her this. The solicitors only care about the money.

I really feel for you - and your kids.

[BrilloPad]

And I resign again.

[Spacecadet]

Too hot, can't sleep
Got up to get a drink and notice that the ******* radiators are on

[MPwannadecentincome]

f**k! And she reckons divorce will give her more money?

Is there any way you can both get to councelling? It needs to be made clear to her that her current actions will leave her far worse off. And more importantly the children.

You didn't say how young the youngest is - but must be close to 5? She really needs to get a job to get income and give her something to do. At 5 she will have to get a job anyway. You need to tell her that - her solicitor should have told her this. The solicitors only care about the money.

I really feel for you - and your kids.

She will not do counselling as far as she is concerned I am the one with the problem not her, she has even claimed to social services that I am mentally ill of which there is no evidence, in fact an assessment done on me only pointed out some depression (no surprise given the situation and I was benched at the time).

Youngest is 6. She has already sacked 2 solicitors and is now on very aggressive 3rd set so clearly will only listen to people who tell her what she wants to hear. And yes they only care about money within 2 days of her hiring the solicitors they forced a situation that threatened to force me out of the FMH and so here I am stuck in bedsit land.

She has refused mediation so I am only left with the option of court. With the expense that comes with and with huge credit card debts I'm left feellng I am stuck in bedsit land for the rest of my life and will probably never be able to retire.

To top it all this morning she has woken me up with text messages telling me about a house she and the kids have fallen in love with which will leave me with not only no equity but having to bear a mortgage if I agree to it if the house doesn't sell for more than its asking price!

She is not on the same planet, what makes it worse is she is teaching the kids her "values".

[BrilloPad]

She will not do counselling as far as she is concerned I am the one with the problem not her, she has even claimed to social services that I am mentally ill of which there is no evidence, in fact an assessment done on me only pointed out some depression (no surprise given the situation and I was benched at the time).

Youngest is 6. She has already sacked 2 solicitors and is now on very aggressive 3rd set so clearly will only listen to people who tell her what she wants to hear. And yes they only care about money within 2 days of her hiring the solicitors they forced a situation that threatened to force me out of the FMH and so here I am stuck in bedsit land.

She has refused mediation so I am only left with the option of court. With the expense that comes with and with huge credit card debts I'm left feellng I am stuck in bedsit land for the rest of my life and will probably never be able to retire.

To top it all this morning she has woken me up with text messages telling me about a house she and the kids have fallen in love with which will leave me with not only no equity but having to bear a mortgage if I agree to it if the house doesn't sell for more than its asking price!

She is not on the same planet, what makes it worse is she is teaching the kids her "values".

rule 1 - never ever leave the FMH. But what is done is done.

You have 1 major problem - you have been a doormat(I was too - its not unusual). But you have one advantage - you have been a doormat. This will count aganst her - as will the rest of her actions.

Having heard all this I am going to suggest something you are not going to like but I want you to think hard.

First some background. A friend (the one who was in prison a few times) was messed about by the BFH(B1tch from hell). She claim he beat her. He called her up and said "Either you stop messing me about or what you claim will come true". He sat there waiting to be arrested - but she called back and agreed.

Another friend(Matt O'Connor founder of f4j) got as far as court. After getting a huge kicking he stop up and said "I am off to France". Huge argument with judge followed - but he got his way.

In my experience, having dealt with hundreds of cases, things won't get any better for you only worse. Whatever you do. It would be better for the kids if you "MTFU". Personally I would stop talking to her, except for seeing the kids, until she gets mediation. To really put pressure don't pay the mortgage and threaten to resign your contract.

If she stops you seeing the kids you can go to court - its very easy. You don't even have to use a solicitor. If she does it will hugely count against her - the courts take a dim view of that.

Think about it. Your kids need you. The courts are supposed to encourage mediation so they should support you.

Another point - women are like children. Never ever say anything you don't mean. Don't threaten - just do it. Well maybe one warning if you are feeling kind.

No doubt alot of trolls will pick holes in the above - ignore them. Most have not been there. And your solicitor will be dead against - they want the money.

And keep asking round. Eventually you will get the advice you want to hear. But without drastic action you are in an incredibly weak position.

A very long post. Alot in it. Read it a few times. Would you like my phone number so we can have a proper chat? My knee is killing me so it might give me a distraction this week. No doubt MrsBP will kill me.

Note to the trolls - any attacks on me personally (as opposed to advice for the OP) and I will -ve rep you into oblivion. I have nearly 67000 posts - I would be post of the rep charts if I was not banned when the current rep started. I am very very sensitive about my divorce.

[MPwannadecentincome]

rule 1 - never ever leave the FMH. But what is done is done.

You have 1 major problem - you have been a doormat(I was too - its not unusual). But you have one advantage - you have been a doormat. This will count aganst her - as will the rest of her actions.

Having heard all this I am going to suggest something you are not going to like but I want you to think hard.

First some background. A friend (the one who was in prison a few times) was messed about by the BFH(B1tch from hell). She claim he beat her. He called her up and said "Either you stop messing me about or what you claim will come true". He sat there waiting to be arrested - but she called back and agreed.

Another friend(Matt O'Connor founder of f4j) got as far as court. After getting a huge kicking he stop up and said "I am off to France". Huge argument with judge followed - but he got his way.

In my experience, having dealt with hundreds of cases, things won't get any better for you only worse. Whatever you do. It would be better for the kids if you "MTFU". Personally I would stop talking to her, except for seeing the kids, until she gets mediation. To really put pressure don't pay the mortgage and threaten to resign your contract.

If she stops you seeing the kids you can go to court - its very easy. You don't even have to use a solicitor. If she does it will hugely count against her - the courts take a dim view of that.

Think about it. Your kids need you. The courts are supposed to encourage mediation so they should support you.

Another point - women are like children. Never ever say anything you don't mean. Don't threaten - just do it. Well maybe one warning if you are feeling kind.

No doubt alot of trolls will pick holes in the above - ignore them. Most have not been there. And your solicitor will be dead against - they want the money.

And keep asking round. Eventually you will get the advice you want to hear. But without drastic action you are in an incredibly weak position.

A very long post. Alot in it. Read it a few times. Would you like my phone number so we can have a proper chat? My knee is killing me so it might give me a distraction this week. No doubt MrsBP will kill me.

Thnx for advise! Was forced through "legal agreement" to leave FMH due to threat from her solicitors of a court order (long story pls don't ask I was in a weak position on that too). Part of that legal agreement was to force me to agree to pay the mortgage, which I am doing. Apart from that I am not talking to her - I did not reply to this morning's text messages, but she doesn't seem bothered that I am not talking to her.

To get focus on the settlement solicitor told me to let them send a Form A to get a court date which I now have. Form Es need updating again as not exchanged yet and my situation has changed.

Not sure I can resign gig - apart from letting client down big time as I replaced someone in mid-project who had left - I have no cash to buy food - my bank account has been emptied with setting up Ltd Co and I don't see any funds from gig until 1st week Sep. Besides I cannot issue threats without breaking the legal agreement I was forced to agree to - it would allow her to take me to court.

Rock <-> Hard Place

[MPwannadecentincome]

Note to the trolls - any attacks on me personally (as opposed to advice for the OP) and I will -ve rep you into oblivion. I have nearly 67000 posts - I would be post of the rep charts if I was not banned when the current rep started. I am very very sensitive about my divorce.

Quite right too - this is a sensitive matter to all - I hope admin agree

[Churchill]

Thnx for advise! Was forced through "legal agreement" to leave FMH due to threat from her solicitors of a court order (long story pls don't ask I was in a weak position on that too). Part of that legal agreement was to force me to agree to pay the mortgage, which I am doing. Apart from that I am not talking to her - I did not reply to this morning's text messages, but she doesn't seem bothered that I am not talking to her.

To get focus on the settlement solicitor told me to let them send a Form A to get a court date which I now have. Form Es need updating again as not exchanged yet and my situation has changed.

Not sure I can resign gig - apart from letting client down big time as I replaced someone in mid-project who had left - I have no cash to buy food - my bank account has been emptied with setting up Ltd Co and I don't see any funds from gig until 1st week Sep. Besides I cannot issue threats without breaking the legal agreement I was forced to agree to - it would allow her to take me to court.

Rock <-> Hard Place

You've been quite royally f*cked up the arse!

You should've waited for the Court Order - anything that was plainly untrue in that legal document and you're in a very strong position.

As Brillo says, time to MTFU.

[mudskipper]

Quite right too - this is a sensitive matter to all - I hope admin agree

It is indeed a sensitive matter, and your situation sounds truly tulipty and you definitely need informed, impartial, objective advice.

However, I doubt the suggestion of threatening violence constitutes good advice regardless of how badly the other party has behaved.

I also think statements such as "Women are like children" are indicative of a rather skewed attitude, as well as being offensive.

Neg away Brillo. DILLIGAF.

[eek]

You've been quite royally f*cked up the arse!

You should've waited for the Court Order - anything that was plainly untrue in that legal document and you're in a very strong position.

As Brillo says, time to MTFU.

+1 but you need to MU a bit. Its not difficult as most of the time all you need to do is to challenge them to ACTUALLY play their hand and carry out the threat. When they threatened the court order ask for the time and the place and turn up. You may not have a solicitor with you but you just need to say that the previous two sets your wife has tried have already cleared out the bank account and I have no money.