Classic Onion

[alreadypacked]

I thought it was just me, getting fed-up with request for interaction with web-sites.

"Every time I type a web address into my browser, I don’t need to be taken to a fully immersive, cross-platform, interactive viewing experience,” said San Diego office manager Keith Boscone. “I don’t want to take a moment to provide my feedback, open a free account, become part of a growing online community, or see what related links are available at various content partners.”

Internet Users Demand Less Interactivity | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

[alreadypacked]

American Airlines and US Airways stunned the aviation industry Thursday upon announcing the two air travel titans have combined in an $11 billion merger that sources say will unite the industry powerhouses into the world’s largest and most complete pain in the ass. “Today we embark upon a bold and unprecedented new venture into customer frustration,”

American CEO Tom Horton said of the historic alliance, which analysts predict will pose an immediate threat to rivals United and Delta in the air travel industry’s key areas of flight delays, lost luggage, and useless customer service.

“When you take our general administrative incompetence and integrate it with our new partner’s long-proven inability to meet flyers’ needs in any capacity, you’ve got a brilliant new model in passenger aggravation and travel plan disruption. This truly will be the leading entity in the hassle industry.”
Horton also confirmed the new multi-billion-dollar headache hopes to F3ck up more than 4,000 flights a day.

American Airlines, US Airways Merge To Form World's Largest Inconvenience | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

[SimonMac]

ANGLEY, VA—A report released Tuesday by the CIA's Office of the Inspector General revealed that the CIA has mistakenly obscured hundreds of thousands of pages of critical intelligence information with black highlighters.

According to the report, sections of the documents— "almost invariably the most crucial passages"—are marred by an indelible black ink that renders the lines impossible to read, due to a top-secret highlighting policy that began at the agency's inception in 1947.

CIA Realizes It's Been Using Black Highlighters All These Years | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

[SimonMac]

According to witnesses, a loud black man approached a crowd of some 4,000 strangers in downtown Chicago Tuesday and made repeated demands for change.
"The time for change is now," said the black guy, yelling at everyone within earshot for 20 straight minutes, practically begging America for change.

Black Guy Asks Nation For Change | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

[SimonMac]

According to the findings, seven out of 10 Americans could have landed their dream job last month if they had known where they see themselves in five years, and the number of unemployed could be reduced from 14.6 million to 5 million if everyone simply greeted potential employers with firmer handshakes, maintained eye contact, and stopped fiddling with their hair and face so much.

Report: Unemployment High Because People Keep Blowing Their Job Interviews | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

[Sysman]

I thought it was just me, getting fed-up with request for interaction with web-sites.

Internet Users Demand Less Interactivity | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

As it happens I have just received an email inviting me to a VMware online seminar thingy.

Clicking on the supplied link takes me to a third party site that wants all the details that I have already supplied to VMware. Not only is it an obvious invitation to "Sign me up for email spam, phone calls and postal spam", but they are asking for way too much information.

I can't be arsed filling the form out.