What have I missed?

[sunnysan]

Not much

Afternoon chaps. Just back from a little break in Italy - sun, sand etc.etc. What's been going on - have I missed anything other than a rather disturbing outbreak of daleks?

House prices are up
Crime is down
Our standard of living has increased owing to government reforms
The economy is improving
We are better of than we have ever been
Waitng times are down on the NHS
We are now better protected than ever against terror.
We are bring back 600 engineers from Afghan and sending 800 infantry
We can now be jailed for 90 days for heckling our hardworking leaders

All good then

[Dundeegeorge]

Good news

the chocolate ration has increased and more tractors are being built than before.
Dave (well what do you think I should hold as a firm principle) Cameron had a brief lead over Princess Toni in the polls, but managed to blow it.
England lost to Portugal Rooney got sent off.
There are no UK players left in Wimbledon, it being the second week.
Errm, did I mention the chocolate ration?

[Ruprect]

You missed england's p!ss poor play in the world cup. well done you.

[Joe Black.]

I had a hernia operation and you missed my swollen black balls. They looked a bit like two small egg plants.

[DimPrawn]

Aubergines

[Joe Black.]

Yeah not sure if I had the right vegetable there..

[Ruprect]

better than having them look like sprouts I suppose.

[hyperD]

Aubergine goes all the way back to Sanskrit, a classical language of India, where one playful name for the fruit was vatinganah which means literally ‘fart, go away.’

The English name, eggplant, arose in the eighteenth century to describe goose-egg-size fruits of a white or yellowish hue, rather than their now-familiar deep purple colour.

Good for the prostate as well I believe ...

[Xenophon]

Aubergines

Prunes

[Fleetwood]

Prunes

Get yer gums around me plums!
Get yer lipstick round me dipstick!

F in "Playground humour" mode