Standard of education these days

[BrilloPad]

I have 2 users round here - both back office - who are really annoying me.

The 1st can do fractions - if he has to split 37 into 23 and 14 he cannot work out the percentage!
The 2nd cannot divide by a million! So trade sizes are in multiples of a million. He keeps asking how to input a yard (a billion for all you dunces out there) or 425000.

Any ideas for sarcastic things I can say to them to make them go away? Nothing too subtle please - as they will probably be too thick to understand.

[Scrag Meister]

He should be working out expenses in Whitehall.

[DodgyAgent]

He should be working out expenses in Whitehall.

[rwilson]

Bobs everywhere.