Do not use a ukulele for...

[BrilloPad]

... scaring partridges

Music graduate gets job as human scarecrow - Telegraph

"I get to sit and read for a lot of the time but whenever I see the partridges, I have to get up and scare them off," he told the BBC.

“I ring a cowbell and I've even played the accordion, but the ukulele doesn't seem to have any effect on them.

[OwlHoot]

His employer, a farmer from Aylsham, Norfolk, even warned him to “bring a deckchair and a good book” ..

The rate isn't brilliant, but if he has to supply his own equipment that must be an indication he's outside IR35

[escapeUK]

Its nice to see these people with worthless degrees realise their true worth.