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This is just so funny...

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    This is just so funny...

    New 'Heathrow Connect' Trains - do not want to go to Heathrow!

    A new electric train service has just started between Heathrow Airport and
    Paddington Station in West London, UK. This uses brand new
    multi-million-pound trains made by Siemens in Germany/France. They were
    specially designed for the British Airports Authority (BAA) and First Great
    Western Link (FGWL) who have the main franchise for services out of
    Paddington (in West London). The emergency evacuation instructions engraved
    on the windows are all in French - somewhat important since there have been
    at least three very major fatal crashes on the line.

    The trains are highly computerised but not so automated in that they still
    need revenue protection officers (ticket inspectors) to check tickets in the
    three carriages. They are short trains. The route is a short one but
    ordinary tickets and Travel Cards (one day go anywhere 'seasons') are
    available - EXCEPT for the one mile link between the last station on the
    mainline and Heathrow Airport itself. This is priced at 6 UK pounds, making
    it the most expensive train fare in the world for the distance. Fare more
    expensive per mile or kilometre than even for Concord. The equivalent bus
    fare is a mere one pound 20 pence.

    However these multimillions trains have a fault. This doesn't bother regular
    travelers on the line well used to the vicissitudes of the alternative
    ex-Thames Trains and FGWL services. But it might bother travelers from
    overseas. This is that the on-board announcements are computerised.
    Unfortunately however the computer controlling them hasn't a clue where the
    train is and keeps on announcing that the "next stop is Paddington where the
    train terminates," and "please mind the step between the train and the
    platform." And "please make sure you take all of your belongings with you
    when you leave the train." On the way to Heathrow every next station is
    announced as Ealing Broadway (an intermediate stop) even if Ealing Broadway
    has long been called at. And other intermediate stations, e.g. Southall, are
    announced as being Hanwell or somewhere else.

    There is also a problem with the computerised braking system in that at
    Hayes and Harlington Station the trains invariable pull up a LONG way from
    the entrance. Other trains pull up near the entrance. This means that sans
    announcements from station staff passengers have to run after the train in
    order to board it.

    The trains are soon to be extended to four carriages long. For this they
    have to be shipped back to Siemens in Europe. Apparently it is not possible
    to do this work in the UK.

    #2
    Apparently it is not possible to do this work in the UK.
    Aah I fondly remember the days when we too could be proud of such fine engineering.

    Comment


      #3
      Knowing the automated announcement system very well all I can say in my defence is they must have programmed the same location into all the train describers at each station. Which does not surprise me at all.

      Comment


        #4
        > Knowing the automated announcement system very well

        If they rely on the porters to set up the station units no wonder it's a bit dodgy.

        Comment


          #5
          I'm not entirely sure who you are knocking here darmstadt.

          It's usually the British railway (note the small letter) that gets all the stick. But ISTM that the faults outlined in this item are mostly c0ck ups by a big German Company who ought to know better (apparently).

          tim

          Comment


            #6
            heathrow express

            I have used Heathrow Express many times, frankly its brilliant, from Heathro to paddington in less than 20 minutes, very comfortable seats, very clean and cool.. while the underground takes for ever (and mostly you can't find a seat)... but must agre the computerised annoucements do get on your nerves after a while.

            Comment


              #7
              Re: heathrow express

              This article refers to Heathrow Connect and not the Heathrow Express. They are two distinct services.

              Comment


                #8
                Re: heathrow express

                Knowing the automated announcement system very well all I can say in my defence is they must have programmed the same location into all the train describers at each station. Which does not surprise me at all.
                It has all the markings of being one of your feckups Threaded!

                Standard Programmer Excuses #6 - It works on my box!

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: heathrow express

                  Standard Programmer Excuses #6 - It works on my box!
                  Yes, but what if it works perfectly on Borland, but come visual studio will the bloody thing compile!?

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: heathrow express

                    Station describers - personally I'd have soft-coded around that so that you could change them. Maybe that's why my contracts don't last very long.

                    Comment

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