Nokia Von Ericcson, used to be a successful Project Manager in the telecoms industry, but in reality, he was an expert user of MS Project and not much else.
After reaching the heady heights of such success at his present firm, he was put on gardening leave due to the company being taken over whilst they chewed the fat as to whether to offshore the whole business to a couple of chicken sheds in deepest Guano.
Unable to secure any form of work, due to 99.9% of all advertisements being fake, he decided to attempt to pimp himself.
His theory of ‘if all he had to do was collect CV’s and shove ’em into some sort of database thingy’ then he’d be quids in.
Miraculously he stumbled upon an advert for a pimp, promising him more money than he had seen as a perm and the ad looked so short and to the point, ‘being only 1 whole sentence in length’ he thought that it was “punchy and to the point”. After all, if he could creatively alter project timelines and milestones, then it’s a given that he would be a natural pimp.
So he applied and sure enough was granted a telephone interview.
Hot, flustered and sweating, he waited by the phone for his interview the next day at 10am sharp!
10, 10:15, 10:30, 11:00 and 12 came and went but no phone call came. He of course, went to speak with his wife in the kitchen and questioned the validity of the position (after using a dictionary to see if that’s how he should spell validity) with her. She told him to call up the agency involved, but he didn’t want to, for fear of peeing them off.
Just as he started to sit in his circular, white cushioned wicker chair, he went to grab the phone. As his hand neared the phone, it suddenly rang, making him jump in fright from his half seated position, knocking the phone off the hook whilst he fell sideways into the new ‘indoor’ giant cactus plant that he’d bought really cheaply from some ‘special 20% off garden stuff weekend at some pointless DIY store’ .
He shrieked with phone in hand as he announced something about pr**ks. He heard a voice on the other end of the phone. Suddenly realising that the other person must’ve heard his mutterings, he attempted to apologise. “Don’t worry” said the voice, you’re just the person for us.
Can you start tomorrow?
After reaching the heady heights of such success at his present firm, he was put on gardening leave due to the company being taken over whilst they chewed the fat as to whether to offshore the whole business to a couple of chicken sheds in deepest Guano.
Unable to secure any form of work, due to 99.9% of all advertisements being fake, he decided to attempt to pimp himself.
His theory of ‘if all he had to do was collect CV’s and shove ’em into some sort of database thingy’ then he’d be quids in.
Miraculously he stumbled upon an advert for a pimp, promising him more money than he had seen as a perm and the ad looked so short and to the point, ‘being only 1 whole sentence in length’ he thought that it was “punchy and to the point”. After all, if he could creatively alter project timelines and milestones, then it’s a given that he would be a natural pimp.
So he applied and sure enough was granted a telephone interview.
Hot, flustered and sweating, he waited by the phone for his interview the next day at 10am sharp!
10, 10:15, 10:30, 11:00 and 12 came and went but no phone call came. He of course, went to speak with his wife in the kitchen and questioned the validity of the position (after using a dictionary to see if that’s how he should spell validity) with her. She told him to call up the agency involved, but he didn’t want to, for fear of peeing them off.
Just as he started to sit in his circular, white cushioned wicker chair, he went to grab the phone. As his hand neared the phone, it suddenly rang, making him jump in fright from his half seated position, knocking the phone off the hook whilst he fell sideways into the new ‘indoor’ giant cactus plant that he’d bought really cheaply from some ‘special 20% off garden stuff weekend at some pointless DIY store’ .
He shrieked with phone in hand as he announced something about pr**ks. He heard a voice on the other end of the phone. Suddenly realising that the other person must’ve heard his mutterings, he attempted to apologise. “Don’t worry” said the voice, you’re just the person for us.
Can you start tomorrow?
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