Starting up a new venture - advice please

[MarillionFan]

Fckers here don't want to work end of.

I've just registered a new website www.cashforkidneys.com

Basically, I buy internal bodyparts from people who wish to donate for cash and I sell them to foreign workers who have the money and need an operation. Most of my customers will be doley scum who will get £50 a body part. This in turn means that the new immigrant workers can carry on working and paying tax, while the doley scum can then claim sickness and incapactiy benefits safe in the knowledge they have a real incapacity. I will of course be quids in.

Sorted.

[Cliphead]

I've just registered a new website www.cashforkidneys.com

Basically, I buy internal bodyparts from people who wish to donate for cash and I sell them to foreign workers who have the money and need an operation. Most of my customers will be doley scum who will get £50 a body part. This in turn means that the new immigrant workers can carry on working and paying tax, while the doley scum can then claim sickness and incapactiy benefits safe in the knowledge they have a real incapacity. I will of course be quids in.

Sorted.

And they come pre-pickled in alcohol, more money saved.

[Sysman]

Last time I needed a lock changed in a hurry (because of a break in), I was charged £136. So there's some pin money

Can't get a roof tiler, house painters, gardeners, electric gate fixers or similar cos they're all too busy...

Nor window cleaners.

Add ladder, sponge and bucket etc and box of tools to van.

[MarillionFan]

And they come pre-pickled in alcohol, more money saved.

According to this

How much gold is found in the human body?

The human body contains 0.2mg of Gold in a 70kg body. Obviously for the likes of someone like Suity, we're talking 0.6mg.

How many obese doley scum do I need to knock off and melt before I have a Kilo?

[MarillionFan]

Actually. I'm definitely on to something here.

News Headlines

Why be a burden on your family when it comes to funeral costs when you die? Why not sign up to http://www.sellyourbody.com/ and leave them a little nest egg for after you've gone.

[Sysman]

If I was to look at buying a van, starting up as an odd job man, what advice could anyone give me to get started? I'm aware of the rules regarding registering with the HMRC with regard to being self employed etc, that all seems simple enough and I already have an accountant that I use, I just need to know whether to have a separate bank account, keeping records, cheques, cash, invoices to customers, cost rates, do I own and run the van in my name, insurance etc?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Those really are questions to ask your accountant. Ring HMRC or social security up and ask what you need to do to register as self employed. It was easy when I did it, though involved traipsing around a few offices to get the right paperwork. It's changed since I did it, but I could either buy a self employed stamp every week at the post office or do it monthly by standing order. I chose the latter.

[NotAllThere]

...The British have lost their work ethic.

No. It's still there, just below thuthex

[peedoff]

Those really are questions to ask your accountant. Ring HMRC or social security up and ask what you need to do to register as self employed. It was easy when I did it, though involved traipsing around a few offices to get the right paperwork. It's changed since I did it, but I could either buy a self employed stamp every week at the post office or do it monthly by standing order. I chose the latter.

At last! A sensible answer, thanks Sysman

[Sysman]

At last! A sensible answer, thanks Sysman

General can be a bit of a scrum. You will get more sensible answers by posting in Accounting / Legal.