Rate increase tips

[TestMangler]

Dear Agency Parasite,

It has come to my attention that Client Co have a requirement to purchase the services of Spacecadet Ltd for a further three month period.

Spacecadet Ltd have introduced a new fee structure which will result in an increased cost to Agency of xx% for the duration of the new contract, due to increased fiscal pressure in the market place.

Please forward the relevant paperwork and also take note of the fact that Agency's continued business relationship with both Spacecadet Ltd and Client Co relies on you not completely f**king this up.

Chin Chin

SpaceCadet (Managing Director).


Note to Cojak - f**king, in this case, is being used as a substitute for 'forking', so please hold back on you usual 'non specific' infraction notice.

[MarillionFan]

Dear Agency Parasite,

I have recently purchased a chip shop and have lost my shirt. Please can I have some more money.

Chin Chin

Test Mangler (Managing Director).

.

ftfy

[TimberWolf]

Dear Agent,

My poor lad Tiny Tim's eyes are like saucers at the prospect of having a turkey for Christmas but we don't know if he will make it as we are runnin out of coal for the fire. Can you spare an extra tuppence guvvnor (inflation corrected £100/day). Gawd bless yer.

[TestMangler]

ftfy

On Tuesday of next week, my 'bijou bistro' or 'chippy' to you, will be sold at a healthy profit.

Im thinking of investing the proceeds in sledges and balsa wood furniture. Can you advise ?

[Spacecadet]

Dear Agent,

My poor lad Tiny Tim's eyes are like saucers at the prospect of having a turkey for Christmas but we don't know if he will make it as we are runnin out of coal for the fire. Can you spare an extra tuppence guvvnor (inflation corrected £100/day). Gawd bless yer.

Do you know how expensive turkey is in the Maldives? even that wouldn't cover it.

[MarillionFan]

On Tuesday of next week, my 'bijou bistro' or 'chippy' to you, will be sold at a healthy profit.

Im thinking of investing the proceeds in sledges and balsa wood furniture. Can you advise ?

You need a minimum of £6 to buy a sledge. I suggest you buy yourself some Haribo, that's only £1 a bag. So that's two bags. Don't eat them all at once.

[TestMangler]

You need a minimum of £6 to buy a sledge. I suggest you buy yourself some Haribo, that's only £1 a bag. So that's two bags. Don't eat them all at once.

Yeah, but with my trade contacts, I'll get my haribo bags at 60p so when I sell them at £1 I'll be able to buy five bags.

This time next week, Rodney, I could get a sledge.

[eek]

On Tuesday of next week, my 'bijou bistro' or 'chippy' to you, will be sold at a healthy profit.

Im thinking of investing the proceeds in sledges and balsa wood furniture. Can you advise ?

Given the number of people over the years I have met who have bought a cafe and screwed up something or other I would keep the cash to hand.

You will probably be able to buy it back at 1/2 the price in six months time.

[TestMangler]

Given the number of people over the years I have met who have bought a cafe and screwed up something or other I would keep the cash to hand.

You will probably be able to buy it back at 1/2 the price in six months time.

That's how I got it in the first place

Previous owner bought it, screwed it up and closed it.

I bought it for roughly 25% of what they paid and sold it for roughly 75% of their purchese price (or 3x my purchase price).

In all seriousness, it's feckin' hard work and I don't think I would do it again, but it was good fun at times too. I'm not enough of a 'people person' for that kind of life

[MarillionFan]

That's how I got it in the first place

Previous owner bought it, screwed it up and closed it.

I bought it for roughly 25% of what they paid and sold it for roughly 75% of their purchese price (or 3x my purchase price).

In all seriousness, it's feckin' hard work and I don't think I would do it again, but it was good fun at times too. I'm not enough of a 'people person' for that kind of life

These types of businesses are quite fun. Don't expect to make a fortune from them but you can make a living for a normal person. As a contractor you think to yourself 'What a cock' as you smile as some moaning customer as they complain over some £3 purchase 'I could ******* buy you!'.

Numbers dont stack up.