Poisoned chalice project

[Churchill]

ftfy

Shush! He didn't know it was me!

[Mich the Tester]

I promise I won't piss on your shoes.

ftfy

Better keep an eye on your pockets suity.

[sasguru]

Some people walk into an office, exuding confidence and control, talk to everyone and get them onside and immediately have influence. (.... occasionally you get one who's got both charisma and know-how ....)

Perhaps a sharp suit, firm handshake do the trick...

WSS.

[Voyage]

Do tell more

I am that BA.

I do limited hopes of success for the project. My advice is to leave it to the PM who wants to act in all roles, even the stakeholders. Hold a meeting that no one will attend then go to the pub

[eek]

I am that BA.

I do limited hopes of success for the project. My advice is to leave it to the PM who wants to act in all roles, even the stakeholders. Hold a meeting that no one will attend then go to the pub

Blooming Heck. MF's standard advice of "Twat the project manager" is on the ball again.

[suityou01]

I am that BA.

I do limited hopes of success for the project. My advice is to leave it to the PM who wants to act in all roles, even the stakeholders. Hold a meeting that no one will attend then go to the pub

Sorry mate, you sent me asleep, say again?

[2BIT]

Please advise on

a) How to force people to attend workshops and contribute.
b) How to insert another 2 weeks into the plan without any of the dates slipping.

you cant and you cant - but both are very manageable..... all about documentation, picking your battles, choosing your moments, finding allies, playing the game and other very generic catch all phrases

project work is perfect for contractors - just had to fight off my old company who wanted to renew me for 9 months at 50% above my prev rate - reason? it's fixed price project work and they are absolutely desperate - simply wouldn't happen to me in any other scenario

[Voyage]

Sorry mate, you sent me asleep, say again?

Just woke up myself. That's OK I'll just throw something at you when I see you nod off again.

Shhh here comes the PM

[Churchill]

During the North African Campagne,
a bunch of soldier boys had been on a long hike,
and they arrived in a little town callled Casino.
The next morning, being Sunday,several of the boys went to church.
A Sargent commanded the boys in church,
and after the chaplain had read the prayer,
the text was taken up next.
Those of the boys who had a prayer books took them out,
but, this one boyhad only a deck of cards,
and so he spread them out.
The Sargent saw the cards and said, "Soldier, put away those cards".
After the services were over, the soldier was taken prisoner,
and brought before the Provost Marshall.
The marshall said " Sergeant, why have you brought this man here?"
"For playing cards in church Sir."
"And what have you to say for yourself Son?"
"Much, Sir," replied the soldier.
The marshall said, " I hope so, for if not,
I shall punish you more than any man was ever punished."
The soldier said, "Sir, I have been on the march for about six days,
I have neither Bible nor prayerbook, but I hope to satisfy you, Sir,
with the purity of my intentions."
And with that, the boy started his story.
"You see sir, when I look at the Ace,
it reminds me that there is but one God,
and the deuce, reminds me that the bible is divided
into two parts, the old and the new testament.
When I see the trey, I think of the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost.
And when I see the four,I think of the four Evangelists who preached
the Gospel There was Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
And when I see the five, it reminds me of the five wise virgins
who trimmed their lamps, there were ten of them,
Five were wise and were saved, five were foolish,
and were shut out.
When I see the six, it reminds me that in six days,
God made this great Heaven and Earth.
When I see the seven, it reminds me that on the seventh day,
God rested from His great work.
And when I see the eight, I think of the eight rightous persons
God saved when he destroyed this Earth.
There was Noah, his wife, their three sons, and their wives.
And when I see the nine, I think of the lepers our Saviour cleansed,
and, nine out of the ten, didn't even thank him.
When I see the ten, I think of the ten commandments,
God handed down to Moses on a table of stone.
When I see the king, it reminds me that there is but one King of Heaven,
God Almighty.
And when I see the Queen, I think of the Blessed Virgin Mary,
Who is Queen of Heaven, and the Jack of Knaves is the Devil.
When I count the number of spots in a deck of cards,
I find 365, the number of days in a year.
There are 52 cards, the number of weeks in a year.
There are four suits, the number of weeks in a month.
There are twelve picture cards, the number of months in a year.
There are thirteen tricks, the number of weeks in a quarter.
So, you see Sir, my pack of cards serves me as a Bible,
an Almanac, and a prayerbook.
And Friends, the story is true, I know,
I was that soldier.

Ftfy

[MarillionFan]

Blooming Heck. MF's standard advice of "Twat the project manager" is on the ball again.

Never fails. Unless of course you are the project manager at which point, blame the BA.