Must stop calling people a cretin ....

[DimPrawn]

I know what you mean sas.

I asked the girl at the meat counter if she had two large breasts and a nice bit of rump and she just called security.

[Old Greg]

I know what you mean sas.

I asked the girl at the meat counter if she had two large breasts and a nice bit of rump and she just called security.

So did you take her up the engagement ring aisle?

[doodab]

I know what you mean sas.

I asked the girl at the meat counter if she had two large breasts and a nice bit of rump and she just called security.

Maybe you shouldn't have shown her your sausage?

[DimPrawn]

I asked her if she had ducks legs and she said no, it was just the way she walked.

[MarillionFan]

A cretin, moron and an idiot walk into a bar. The cretin orders an empty glass, the moron drinks water from the tap and the idiot gurns at the dartboard.

Which one is Suityou?

[sasguru]

A cretin, moron and an idiot walk into a bar. The cretin orders an empty glass, the moron drinks water from the tap and the idiot gurns at the dartboard.

Which one is Suityou?

Ah trick question.
None of the above. Suityou is the imbecile.

[Old Greg]

Ah trick question.
None of the above. Suityou is the imbecile.

Drat, I had him down as the empty glass.

[MaryPoppins]

I asked her if she had ducks legs and she said no, it was just the way she walked.

[mudskipper]

A few years ago I was having a Spanish themed party.

Waitrose staff are obviously encouraged to use their initiative:

Me: Do you sell pinatas?
Shop assistant - confused look - tries to narrow it down: Is that fresh, or frozen?

Although he looked even more confused when I explained it was a donkey you beat with a stick. The holes in my ceiling remain to this day...

[d000hg]

Me in Supermarket to assistant: Do you know where I would find cloves?
Assistant: We don't sell cloves here
Me: Are you sure? You must have cloves. They would be in the spices section
Asst: No you'd have to go to one of our large branches.
Me (in disbelief) : oh Ok

Find spices section, get small jar of cloves.

Angry now, find assistant,: What do you call this then?
Assistant: Oh I don't know what those are, thought you meant cloves, innit. (Points to my clothes.)

Penny drops.
Me, under my breath but loud enough for him to hear: FFS What a cretin.

Sorry folks it just slipped out.

So you knew where to find them but just wanted someone to talk to? And then you went back to try and strike up a 2nd conversation.

You poor lonely man.