Question for parents on the panel

[sasguru]

Probably a laaaaaaaaaaaaaandan thing.

Up here, the people are friendly, the parents and they children come to our house sometimes and socialise, the children and the staff are really happy.

But then, I've found the people in the NE very happy and friendly in pubs, shops, work, etc. People here really enjoy themselves and are polite and welcoming.

Yes I'm sure the NE is a veritable paradise.

[Support Monkey]

See I don't think thats the answer. surely kids need the social aspect of it and surely the parents would be better off working, even part time. Not only financially but more for their mental well being.

Sitting at work at worrying about the childminder beating your children??

seriously yes i agree they do need the interaction of other children but they also need the interaction with their parents, and if everybody is honest the only reason the wife works is because the family needs the money, no one would do it out of choice

[milanbenes]

We have a nanny share whereby the nanny comes to the house to look after our son (1.5 years) and brings her 2 children with her.

What do the other parents think?

SAS, I've heard it all now

All your showing off about how small you are and how much money you have

And feck's sake, your child carer brings her own children too !!!!

Feck's sake how cheap are you ?

Jeezuz

This is class

You how outdone yourself here

Milan.

[DimPrawn]

Yes I'm sure the NE is a veritable paradise.

Well you're the one always on here whinging about everything and attacking people personally. I think you have a lot of issues.

[MarillionFan]

We have a nanny share whereby the nanny comes to the house to look after our son (1.5 years) and brings her 2 children with her.
The thinking was that he would learn to socialise with other children and be happy in his home environment rather than being dumped in a nursery.
However I have noticed one of the nanny's children who is 2 and a bit and therefore bigger is very physical with him.
This morning she tried to lift him by the throat from behind obviously strangling him. I've seen her throw him to the ground witha kind of rugby tackle and bang his head on the wall.

Now I don't want to mollycoddle the boy but I think this is going too far. Its partly because I think 3 toddlers is too much for the nanny to look after.

What do the other parents think?

Three toddlers is fine for someone to look after. No-one likes to see their children kicked/hit etc by other children at that age. A little boy maybe 3 kicked my son in the stomach when he tried to get on a slide at the weekend. My son was the same size but is only 21 months old and so came back screaming and crying. My wife told the little boy off, and the parents were nowhere to be seen. I was all for seeking the parents out and giving the old man a bloody good hiding. (Do as I say, not do as I do obviously).

The same happens at nursery.

We tried a couple of nurseries before settling on a small one. Both kids have been there and loved it. One of the staff is a regular baby sitter.

In truth Sas it's the smaller ones that offer a better service. The large ones are full of kids looked after by bored childminders and is all about making money, so hence you're right, they're impersonal and the kids bored.

The nanny thing is something else. They can help out in the house etc, but it does mean someone is still under your house and so you see all of the good and the bad. If she has kids, then yes without a doubt they're going to fight and fall out with each other at some time. As all kids do.

It's extremely important that kids have others around. In addition, it is important that they have interation with adults and visitors to the house. A lack of interaction will mean an aloof child, who will be bullied at school and probably inherit a god complex.

Get him in a small nursery.

[oracleslave]

I think you should have a word with the nanny. Protection from physical violence isn't mollycoddling. Children at that age aren't really aware that they are hurting people, and a 1.5 year old is more or less incapable of looking after themselves.

Yep, I'd agree with this. My wife's a child minder and deals with this kind of stuff all the time and am pretty sure there is no way she would allow this to happen repeatedly.

[MaryPoppins]

I think he's generally happy. Its just the occasional physicality from another child who doesn't know any better.
And it probably happens in nursery too.

You probably wouldn't see such an age gap between kids in rooms together. I can see the appeal of the nanny share; I'd probably rather try to resolve the current issue and stick with that personally. Three toddlers to one nanny is an acceptable ratio IMO (same sort of ratio as nurseries themselves use).

[oracleslave]

Three toddlers is fine for someone to look after.

I'm not so sure. AFAIK there is an ofsted regulation that determines how many kids under a certain age a nanny/minder can legally look after.

[sasguru]

Sitting at work at worrying about the childminder beating your children??

seriously yes i agree they do need the interaction of other children but they also need the interaction with their parents, and if everybody is honest the only reason the wife works is because the family needs the money, no one would do it out of choice

I can tell you are single BTW.

We don't need the money and my wife works part time as she loves her job. Half the time he interacts with us and half the time with the nanny, her children and other kids in the playgroups he goes to. I think that's a good balance* and the only thing wrong with it is that this particular nanny has her hands too full. I think the solution is another nanny looking after one other child that's not her own. A dedicated nanny would not provide the interaction with other children.

*I was brought up by a stay at home parent and first socialised at school and look at me

[monobrow]

On Topic for a moment.

There are limits to the number of children under a certain age that professional carers can look after. I think it's something like 3 for anyone "under school age", so this is within acceptable limits.

point here though, I don't think it's the number of kids or her kids that is the problem, but the carers own professional & personal standards. for example, I probably wouldn't trust Rose West to look after my 3 yro even if she was on her own and wore rubber gloves.

good carers are hard to come by, it sounds like you have found this out the hard way. push comes to shove, get rid of her and try again. get a personal recommendation from a friend or don't bother. this is your child you are talking about. EVERYONE ELSE IS WRONG, you are the parent, you are the only person accountable and responsible for their wellbeing - don't take any chances with this sh1t.

/gets off soapbox