binge done

[NickFitz]

7 hours later and i've woken up with no hangover. I was drinking from 9pm-5.30am.


Before going to bed i had:

2 pieces of vegemite toast...vitamin b

1 banana

1 valium ... which helped me sleep ... i find it hard to sleep after boozing these days

A pint or two of water


I feel ok...nowhere near as bad as usual. No sweats, no palpitations, not even a headache.

Now you need to carry out a series of experiments to determine which of those (or which combination) actually contributed the perceived benefit. Also, do the whole lot all over again to make sure it's not a fluke. Don't forget double-blind controls so you can eliminate the placebo effect

I reckon that by the time you've established the optimal treatment, you'll be ready for your liver transplant

[MaryPoppins]

Christ, are we all going to have to stand up and tell the room our names next?

[RichardCranium]

Christ, are we all going to have to stand up and tell the room our names next?

G'day. My name's Richard Cranium and I'm a PissedUpTestecostical.



Now let's see how much of this filthy tulip (NSFW) gets through the Nanny Filter:

The Festival of Life Lyrics
Kevin Bloody Wilson

Ah, the Festival of Life is 'in' to save my ******' soul
They don't want me drinkin' piss or screwin' round no more
But they've got ******' Buckley's chance I'm giving you the score
Still the Festival of Life keeps tryin' to save my ******' soul

It's Saturday afternoon at last, it's what you've waited for all week
Relax and put the feet up, turn the footy on TV
You're expecting Vern and Bluey round, they'll probably stay all night
A coupla mates and a coupla beers - aw, Christ, this is the life

Well, here they are already, you just heard the car door slam
You wedge yourself out of your chair, get up to let 'em in
But it's some ****** that you've never met, with a briefcase in his hand
Some prick just out of Bible school, who thinks he's God's right hand

Halleluiah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Chorus

Ah, the Festival of life keeps tryin' to save my ******' soul
They don't want me drinkin' piss or screwin' round no more
But they've got ******' Buckley's chance I'm giving you the score
Still the Festival of Life keeps tryin' to save my ******' soul

'I'm Elder Robbins 'n' he's Elder Pike 'n' we'd like to talk to y'all
'Bout eternal salvation, won't take but a minute or more
We got a book we think y'all should read, 'bout how y'all should live
My, what a charmin' home y'all have - y'all mind it we come in?'

'Well, I'd love t'invite yer in yer know, but the joint's a ******' mess
And there's an orgy ragin' in the lounge, and every ****'s undressed!
And I'd love yer to meet the missus, Shirl, but she's a bit crook in bed
She says she's got a real sore throat through givin' too much head!'

Gobblegobble, gobblegobble, gobblegobble

Repeat Chorus

All snuggled up on Sunday mornin' and you wake up with a horn
You grab the missus on the arse, oh, Christ she feels so warm
The scene is set, the mood's just right, you're about to slip it in
Then - (knock knock, knock) - there's that ******' door again!

'Good morning, sir, did I get you up?
Sorry, I'm David and this is Pam
We're missionaries who've come to talk of Man's eternal plan
And to discuss the holy future and reflect the holy past.'
So you flash your dick and scream 'I'll holy shove this up your arse!'

Up your arsehole, up your arsehole, up your arsehole

Repeat Chorus

Well it's not like it's just once or twice, it's every damn weekend
Now how d'ya think they'd like it if we done the same to them?
You know, turn up on their doorstep at a time they least expect
Try and ram our way of life down their ******' necks!

Just imagine for a minute the reception that you'd get
With a couple of stick books in your hand and a carton on the steps
And your missus chewin' chewin' gum in a really low-cut dress
And you in thongs and overalls-you know, your ******' Sunday best!

What a yobbo, what a yobbo, what a yobbo

Repeat Chorus

Gidday, we're pissed-up testecostacals, I'm Kevin and this is Shirl
We've come to introduce you ***** to a whole new ******' world
We've come to preach the good news, we think it's what you need to hear
We'll show you more fun in five minutes than you've had all ******' year!

Now you, sweetheart, can come with me and I'll teach you how to sin
And Sister Shirl, old sort, 'll suck your sav until your 'ead caves in
Aw tulip, your missus just fainted, so we won't bother comin' in
We'll just piss off back to our place-just drop ten bucks in the tin

'Nother carton, 'nother carton, 'nother carton

Repeat Chorus Twice

[Zippy]

Brother RC - would you care to join me for the Last Lager Waltz?

[RichardCranium]

Brother RC - would you care to join me for the Last Lager Waltz?

Shertainly will, Sheila. I had that vid lined up to play next while I sorted out another glass o' piss for me and a hot water bottle for Mrs RC.

But you'll have to lead - I'm a born again pisstank.

[Zippy]

Shertainly will, Sheila. I had that vid lined up to play next while I sorted out another glass o' piss for me and a hot water bottle for Mrs RC.

But you'll have to lead - I'm a born again pisstank.

1-2-3 1-2-3 aw shit: I stepped on the pies.

[RichardCranium]

1-2-3 1-2-3 aw tulip I stepped on the pies.

A colleague from many years ago has a story about the German girl he was going out with. She took him home to Germany one summer and her Grossmutter (who had never forgiven us for not joining Hitler) made a cake for the occasion. The daft old Kraut Grannie left the cake on the floor, outside the kitchen door. My mate accidentally stepped on it and left his size eleven boot mark on the icing.

Granny Gretel served the cake at Sunday tea and apologised to the gathered extended family about the Dummkopf Insel Affe. She served up the cake with his boot mark in it intact.

[OwlHoot]

7 hours later and i've woken up with no hangover. I was drinking from 9pm-5.30am.

Before going to bed i had:

2 pieces of vegemite toast...vitamin b

1 banana

1 valium ... which helped me sleep ... i find it hard to sleep after boozing these days

A pint or two of water

I feel ok...nowhere near as bad as usual. No sweats, no palpitations, not even a headache.

I'd be surprised if the vegemite helped, if it's anything like as salty as its British equivalent, marmite. Probably the opposite.

Much as I like marmite, I'd never have any after a boozing session as it would just dehydrate one.