Just been waiting for a tube at Liverpool Street station. On the platform there is a small butty bar. The girl serving was blowing her nose into the smallest tissue possible, finished, inspected it and folded the tissue. Then started moving the butties about using the tongs at least, until one sandwich proved a little difficult to position so she used her snot laiden hands. I didn't see what the contents of the butty was, but if you see one with some green slime on it, you have been warned.
- Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
- Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!
Extra special home made sauce
Collapse
X
-
Extra special home made sauce
Rule Number 1 - Assuming that you have a valid contract in place always try to get your poo onto your timesheet, provided that the timesheet is valid for your current contract and covers the period of time that you are billing for.
I preferred version 1! -
Likewise a cake shop near Waterloo station. I was gazing in the window at the cakes contemplating buying something for the team as a treat, when the tart behind the counter idly picked her nose, extracted something of definite nutritional value (and apparently rich in chlorophyll), and then started re-arranging the iced sweetmeats on the counter.
Retching, I walked on.
I arrived at the office and told the story to the team Asok (he was far too competent to be referred to as 'Bob') and left him giggling like a pre-puberty schoolboy for the rest of the day when I advised him "So never accept a piece of cake with any Kiwi fruit on it".
Two days later, the highly respected team guru came in and announced it was his 40th birthday and that he had brought in a cake.
"Not from the shop by Waterloo station?" asked Asok, smiling and winking at me.
"Yes," said the guru, proudly. "How did you know?"
Asok's face fell: "Just a lucky guess".
But when the box was opened and the cake removed, Asok and I had to leave the room at a run. Asok was giggling uncontrollably and I was on the verge of spoiling my light grey trousers.
I was a Kiwi fruit flan.
My all-time favourite Dilbert cartoon, this is: BTW, a Dumpster is a brand of skip, I think.
- Home
- News & Features
- First Timers
- IR35 / S660 / BN66
- Employee Benefit Trusts
- Agency Workers Regulations
- MSC Legislation
- Limited Companies
- Dividends
- Umbrella Company
- VAT / Flat Rate VAT
- Job News & Guides
- Money News & Guides
- Guide to Contracts
- Successful Contracting
- Contracting Overseas
- Contractor Calculators
- MVL
- Contractor Expenses
Advertisers
Contractor Services
CUK News
- What are Bills of Exchange, and should HMRC's alert worry umbrella contractors? Today 04:09
- Bills of Exchange fail to avoid new umbrella company rules, says HMRC Yesterday 05:32
- Is permanent employment still the safer bet? Yes, but it's a lot less safe than it used to be. Jun 1 04:34
- Is your Director’s Loan Account (DLA) a target of HMRC’s closer look at close companies? May 29 04:45
- Is your Director’s Loan Account (DLS) a target of HMRC’s closer look at close companies? May 29 04:45
- Contractors, are you making any of the five big limited company bank account mistakes of 2026? May 28 05:51
- ‘Welcome’ increase in HMRC mileage rates for contractors using their own cars for work May 27 05:18
- King’s Speech 2026 including a welcome Late Payments Bill still leaves contractors short May 26 04:42
- Getting a mortgage when you're a contractor. The system wasn't built for you. Is that finally changing? May 22 06:11
- How deepfake AI contractors threaten umbrella company supply chains under JSL May 20 06:31

Comment