Trains and passengers.

[bobhope]

First class ticket, mp3 player and a mobile jammer. Will not get on a train without that in my survival bag.

How's the jammer working out? I keep meaning to get one. "For educational purposes only" of course.

[threaded]

How's the jammer working out? I keep meaning to get one. "For educational purposes only" of course.

They're a boon if you have teenagers too:

Struggle to open the door to teenagers bedroom, wander in, discern which pile of clothes is the teenager and direct a question: "Erm, quick question?"

"Busy! Can't you see I'm on the phone??????", rolls eyes

Hands up: "OK ok ok", walk backwards slowly trying not to trip up on any of the assorted bras laying in wait like some silken man trap, whilst being glared at for talking, again.

Go into my office, hit a button, wander back to living room, pick up a book, imitate reading it. Teenager flounces in and collapses in an untidy heap on the settee.

Put down book. "Hi darling, I was just wanting to ask: the housekeeper wishes to know if you will be joining us for dinner?"

Teenager slams mobile phone on the coffee table, with surprising force, and disclaims: "I want a new phone, this one is useless, it just cuts out in the middle of calls."

"Oh, but it's brand new: best take it to the shop and get them to exchange it."

"They're useless in that shop. The one before broke as well."

"Maybe you could be more gentle with them? They're delicate pieces of equipment."

[Paddy]

Try this..

When you're pulling out of station, wave to people. Pretend you're the queen...

Clapham junction is a good one for it all the trains on a go slow, people actually smile.

Sometimes I wonder through princess St gardens and wave to the arriving passengers, it's fun I tell you....

Scanning Bluetooth is also a fun pastime. You can send dodgy phone numbers or messages such as “meet you in the toilet at the back of the train”

[minestrone]

How's the jammer working out? I keep meaning to get one. "For educational purposes only" of course.

Pretty handy of you have a tosser beside you that thinks he can get away with a loud 50 minute call into the offfice. Rarely use it as most people are fairly good in the first class and I don't mind people have 2 or 3 minute calls. "what's for dinner" or "I'm going to be late so I'll just meet you at the restaurant" I don't think you should go power crazy with the thing.

If someone is winding me up I just switch it on for 5 seconds and their call gets bumped, half the time they just put the phone down. If you are close to a tower the tower wins and you cannot shut down the signal, it never works in large stations as they all have towers above the glass ceilings. Most urban areas it will work up to 5 meters.

Had a tosser beside me last week that was really shouting office chat down the phone on the train. I kept cutting him off, he opened up his phone and the girl next to him had a one minute chat and hung up by the time he had examined the sim and put it back together. He tried to call out and I shut him off again. He was fairly pissed off, and probably now thinks his phone is rodgered. I just am of the opinion that the train is not an open plan office.

[NotAllThere]

Reminds me of the tale of a chap who was talking loudly to his mate on the phone - boasting about his exploits of the previous night, and how he was going into the office late, because he was feeling a bit rough - much to the annoyance of fellow passengers. Eventually he stopped talking to his mate, and called his office - "Yeah, it's Dave, yeah journey really bad today, train keeps stopping, so I think I'll be really late...". At which point the compartment broke into a chorus of "Lying bastard..."

[expat]

.... I just am of the opinion that the train is not an open plan office.

Especially the "Quiet" carriage

Actually it's pretty selfish to yell half a conversation into an open plan office too. Who was it who said that some people regard a mobile phone as a species of megaphone? And of course, like a pipe band, they can't really get into the swing of it unless they march up and down.

[Lockhouse]

I get the train from Winchester to Waterloo and back again most days. In the mornings I change at Basingstoke. I always have my bike with me and I always get in the quiet carriage.

Firstly because I have my bike people think they can just push on in front of me to get on the train even when I get there before them. This isn't a problem at Winchester where people are by and large civilised but it is at Basingstoke where the people have no manners at all. These days I just get out of the way and let everyone else get on the train first. It's only rarely I don't get a seat even if it's next to the fat bloke who takes a seat-and-a-half,the women who elbows you when she reads the paper or someone who had a really strong curry the night before.

When coming home you can always tell the people who don't commute; people with luggage, families, kids - I can spot them a mile off. Why a shouty family of four get in a quiet carriage is beyond me but hey-ho selfishness reigns. I like to get a bit of shut-eye if I can and I can always tell the people who are going to be a "problem". I don't mind people calling up and saying "I'll be late etc" but I will tell someone on a 10 minute call that it is in fact, a quiet carriage and could they please desist from using their phone?

Lastly I hate the new barriers. With a monthly ticket, after two weeks the magnetic strip has "gone" and I have to summon a "ticket collection operator" to get the gate open for me. At Winchester the gates are so near to the platform that invariably they just open the gates up anyway when a busy train gets in, but I could see that one coming even as the gates were being installed. With a bike it's doubly difficult.

[threaded]

Firstly because I have my bike people think they can just push on in front of me to get on the train even when I get there before them.

Ahh the art of getting on a train with a bike.

Always have a very dirty bike.

Always stand on the side away from the chain.

Never bother with cable-ends or tidies, leave them frayed.

Wear a rucksac to stop those sneaking in behind you and dark glasses so no one can make eye contact.

When moving your bike, always hold the seat and walk beside, steer by leaning. That way anyone with the temerity to barge in front will find themselves tangled up in a very dirty bike whilst you can stand there faking surprise and not get caught up in the tumble.

You'll have a couple or so incidents, but then the regulars will get to know you don't give a flying .. and to give you a wide berth.

[Lockhouse]

Ahh the art of getting on a train with a bike.

Always have a very dirty bike.

Always stand on the side away from the chain.

Never bother with cable-ends or tidies, leave them frayed.

Wear a rucksac to stop those sneaking in behind you and dark glasses so no one can make eye contact.

When moving your bike, always hold the seat and walk beside, steer by leaning. That way anyone with the temerity to barge in front will find themselves tangled up in a very dirty bike whilst you can stand there faking surprise and not get caught up in the tumble.

You'll have a couple or so incidents, but then the regulars will get to know you don't give a flying .. and to give you a wide berth.

When walking with your bike along a crowded platform keep looking down and never make eye contact. Miraculously you never have a collision.

[Drewster]

Ahh the art of getting on a train with a bike.

Always have a very dirty bike.

Always stand on the side away from the chain.

Never bother with cable-ends or tidies, leave them frayed.

Wear a rucksac to stop those sneaking in behind you and dark glasses so no one can make eye contact.

When moving your bike, always hold the seat and walk beside, steer by leaning. That way anyone with the temerity to barge in front will find themselves tangled up in a very dirty bike whilst you can stand there faking surprise and not get caught up in the tumble.

You'll have a couple or so incidents, but then the regulars will get to know you don't give a flying .. and to give you a wide berth.

Ahhh thats you is it you flippety tulip!! I found it quite funny that day I accidentally jammed my 5 quid brolly into your spokes.... how long did it take you to get all that frayed nylon out of your chain and how much did it cost to rebuild your wheel..... Shame!

Thats Temerity I guess!