oh dear: NHS chaos exposed by new e-mails

[swamp]

All the NHS work requires security clearance. Don't think they would be allowed to farm it out to India or use an off the shelf package.

I worked on two government projects. One was to create a pointless app which didn't have much in the way of a spec. It turned into a bit of a deathmarch, though after much painful effort it eventually went live. Second was for another pointless app which had no spec whatsoever. Looked like turning into another savage deathmarch so I left.

[AtW]

When I had a "proper" job I always took responsibility to learn about my customer's business, understand it well and produce work that they were happy about even though they never specced it. These guys simply can't be expected to spec things - it should be responsibility of the implementor, most certainly so when implementor is charging billions of pounds -- heck capital punishment should be introduced for those who screw up on such a scale.

[Board Game Geek]

It was me !

Well, not exactly...you see, the reason I have been quiet these last few months is because I was involved in the grass-roots deployment of the Choose and Book system.

I suppose I'd better not say anymore due to my NDA. I've finished C&B now, and have moved on to another project.

However, like any big project, it has it's fair share of challenges.

Captain of the Ship : "We are sailing to Iceland on Heading 45 Degrees East at 12 knots"

Navigation Officer : "Aye Aye Cap'n. Iceland it is. Can you confirm the heading ?"

Captain Designate : "Sorry, the Captain is on holiday. Speak to the Admiralty"

Navigation Officer : "Hello Admiralty. Can you confirm the heading for Iceland please ?"

Admiralty : "Which ship are you ?"

Navigation Officer : "Er...the Endeavour, Sir"

Admiralty "Ah, we don’t handle your ship. You are in a different fleet run by Accentsore. Call them.”

Navigation Officer : "Hello Accentsore. This is the Navigation Officer of The Endeavour. I need a heading confirmation for Iceland please."

Accentsore “ Ah ok. You need to speak to Master Stains. He is the Lead Navigation Officer for our Fleet. But he is on sick leave. Master Bates has taken over his role temporarily. Speak to him.”

Navigation Officer : "Hello Master Bates. I need a heading confirmation please.”

Master Bates : “Hello Navigation Officer. The heading is 25 Degrees SW”

Navigation Officer : "Ah you sure ? The Captain said it was 45 Degrees East.”

Master Bates : “I’m fairly certain. Master Stains sent a missive to the Captain, informing him of the change. You can ignore the other two missives.”

Navigation Officer : "Other two ? ”

Master Bates : “Yes, one was from the Head Captain Smith, and the other from his pet dog, Fluffy.”

Navigation Officer : "Who is Head Captain Smith ?”
Master Bates : “I don’t know. I think he is pretty high up the chain of command. But he left last week to join somebody else.”

Navigation Officer : "Ah, ok. And Fluffy ?”

Master Bates : “Fluffy was his dog. He’s still with us. Miniature Daschund. Very odd.”

Navigation Officer : "Ok, thanks. I’ll let the Engineering Crew know.”

Master Bates : “Hang on a moment.”

Navigation Officer : "Why ?”

Master Bates : “Your Engineering Team are being moved to another Ship tomorrow.”

Navigation Officer : "Why ?”

Master Bates : “Some c0ck-up in another area. They need extra resource now.”

Navigation Officer : "So how do we sail to Iceland then ?

Master Bates : “Iceland ???!?”

Navigation Officer : "Well that’s where are heading, isn’t it ?”

Master Bates : “You didn’t get the missive ?”

Navigation Officer : "Which missive ?”

Master Bates : “The one about a change of direction. It was sent 2 weeks ago to the Navigation Officer. Barnes I think the name was”

Navigation Officer : "I’m Barne’s replacement. I never got to see him before I left. I don’t have access to his email.”

Master Bates : “Ah…LOL ! That’d be why then ! Oh well, you’re heading to Switzerland now.”

Navigation Officer : "But….Switzerland is land-locked….how are we supposed to get there ? Hijack Transvestite Elephants and fly in under the cover of darkness ?”

Master Bates : “I’m not sure. You’ll need to ask the Admiralty.”

Navigation Officer: “But they don’t cover our vessel. They said so.”

Master Bates : “Yes, but you are crossing the sea in to their territory. So they will take control from there.”

Navigation Officer: “Oh. I see. Well thanks for your help. Can I take a direct number if I have any other problems ?”

Master Bates : “Um…we’re in the middle of an office move, so, er, no. Good Luck. I’m sure it will all work out.”

Navigation Officer: “Ok thanks.”

Navigation Officer: “Right Scotty…..I need 12 knots power please.”

Head Engineer Scotty : “Right you are Sir. 12 knots it is. Oh, what’s this about a transfer of crew ?”

Navigation Officer: “Er…I think we are getting a crew refresh tomorrow”

Head Engineer Scotty : “Why’s that Sir ?”

Navigation Officer: “Apparently they are short of well-trained crew elsewhere.”

Head Engineer Scotty : “Ok, Sir. It’s just that the Captain said I was staying on, like”

Navigation Officer: “Really ? He never mentioned to me, Scotty.”

Head Engineer Scotty : “Yes Sir. As part of our new assignement, Sir”

Navigation Officer: “New assignment ?”

Head Engineer Scotty : “Yes Sir. We are going in to dock for repairs”

Navigation Officer: “What ? What repairs ?”

Head Engineer Scotty : “We’re having our communication systems upgraded next week, to enable us to communicate more effectively.”

Navigation Officer: “Why did no one tell me about this ?”

Head Engineer Scotty : “Because the existing communication system needs upgrading Sir. That’s why no one told you about it. And that’s why it’s being upgraded.”

Navigation Officer: “Ah. I see. So how long are we in dry dock for ?”

Head Engineer Scotty : “I don’t know Sir.”

Navigation Officer: “Why don’t you know ?”

Head Engineer Scotty : “Because the existing communication system broke down completely last week, Sir”

Navigation Officer: “Why did no one tell me about that ?”

Head Engineer Scotty : “We tried to Sir, but the system was broken...”

Etc..etc…etc

[Chico]

Excellent post - BGG

[cojak]

*wipes tears from eyes, pulls self together....*

Are we on the same team BGG???

That's wot happens when one crowd are paying the bills (and speccing the designs) and the other crowd are using it...

Granger censures Margaret Edwards, the department’s director for access and patient choice, for adding numerous new specifications to the booking programme, known as Choose and Book.

Last week Granger, who insists that the booking system now works, broke civil service protocol and publicly blamed policy officials in the Department of Health for failing to get GPs to use the system. In an interview with Computing Magazine, he said: “Low usage is not something I can do anything about.”

Too many finger's in too many pies....

[threaded]

BGG: Post of the year award methinks. Really rather good indeed.

[AtW]

BBG - this is all happening because people forgot about responsibility - if that's navigation officer's balls were at stake he'd have to make decision himself and there should be a rule which would basically say - if somebody is unhelpful then they will be cut out of the system.

[threaded]

if somebody is unhelpful then they will be cut out of the system

You'll be best advised to avoid civil service contracts my young russian friend...

[wc2]

BGG,

You should write for the register

[Board Game Geek]

Thank you folks !

You know, working in the public sector has really opened my eyes.

I mean, before I worked in this sector, I had heard all the jokes and hushed whispers....but nothing prepared me for what I now see on a daily basis.

When writing my analogy, I though to myself, "No one's going to believe this....it's just too incredible, it's beggar's belief", but I can see that several others have also been subjected to the same public sector woes that I now experience.

I have enough material now to write a new type of comedy....the Public Sector Farce.

It will feature numerous officials with meaningless job titles, being paid obscene amounts of money for what is effectively willful espionage on their own systems.

Essentially, each episode will revolve around a central core idea, the over-arcing story if you like, and will feature mini-stories each episode focussing on bumbling incompetence, empire building, ruthless political in-fighting, hushed whispers of fraud, nepotism and negligence, and all stirred together with a healty dose of black comedy and farce.

The only problem is...I think "Yes Minister" covered the lot admirably, though it is rather dated now. I'm thinking something more up to date and topical, a mix between The Office, The Consultants (R4 show) and 1984/Brazil.

:-)