Put Downs

[shaunbhoy]

Sat at table at front, fedora on table. Comedian dons hat and says 'See what a knut you look in this', retort 'I do now'.

Also at a Comedy Club (well...Bernard Manning's). A punter got up and started heading off to the bogs. "Where the fook do you think YOU are going?" shouts Bernard. "I'm just going for a p1ss till the comedian comes on" retorted the wag. To be fair to BM, he apparently sent a bottle of bubbly over to the guy's table.

[DimPrawn]

Also at a Comedy Club (well...Bernard Manning's). A punter got up and started heading off to the bogs. "Where the fook do you think YOU are going?" shouts Bernard. "I'm just going for a p1ss till the comedian comes on" retorted the wag. To be fair to BM, he apparently sent a bottle of bubbly over to the guy's table.

How they laughed!

PS. Racist!

[Clippy]

Quite like:

"When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you".

or

"I hope all your children have small penises, and that includes the girls".

[Moose423956]

"**** off". That usually works.

[Churchill]

How they laughed!

PS. Racist!

DP, a little known fact, you know nothing!

[tay]

Not very clever but highly effective the other day on the train, some old guy started muttering something at me about pushing past him so I turned around and told them that he smelt bad... and turned away. Had not really planned on insulting him, he didnt really smeall.. but you could almost sense his paranoia building that he did actually smell bad. A number of other commuters actually laughed out loud.

Have decided its a good way of insulting someone as it makes them doubt themselves and thier body odour and isnt foul mouthed enough to be offensive to passers by.

[dang65]

Not very clever but highly effective the other day on the train, some old guy started muttering something at me about pushing past him so I turned around and told him that he smelt bad...

Did he say, "Yeah, I probably do, seeing as I've just sh*gged your mum!"

I know I would have. Though probably not till about ten minutes later when I'd thought of it.

[Damp Cave]

Down

On the tube and MP3 blaring, old bag is scowling at the noise. Turns volume up : Down – Stone the Crow

[wendigo100]

Not very clever but highly effective the other day on the train, some old guy started muttering something at me about pushing past him so I turned around and told them that he smelt bad... and turned away. Had not really planned on insulting him, he didnt really smeall.. but you could almost sense his paranoia building that he did actually smell bad. A number of other commuters actually laughed out loud.

So in a nutshell, you barge past some poor old pensioner, and because he has the temerity to complain, so quietly that you couldn't even hear what he said, you humiliate him in public as well?

You kiwis haven't got the jist of clever put-downs, have you.

(Mind you, it was better treatment than he'd get in an English old people's home.)

[Charles Foster Kane]

Did he say, "Yeah, I probably do, seeing as I've just sh*gged your mum!"

I know I would have. Though probably not till about ten minutes later when I'd thought of it.

He should've said it was your breath blowing back in your face, your top lip etc. Too many possible respones to count.