Passionate England!

[Bagpuss]

In other words, something that you can understand easily.

What is there to understand about a simple game like Rugby? Invented by someone too simple to get football.

[DodgyAgent]

What is there to understand about a simple game like Rugby? Invented by someone too simple to get football.

so why do so many simpletons play and watch chavball?

[Moscow Mule]

so why do so many simpletons play and watch chavball?

No imagination, and a lack of drive. Also poor secondary education.

[sasguru]

What is there to understand about a simple game like Rugby? Invented by someone too simple to get football.

Nice one. You're improving Baggy.

[Bagpuss]

Why rugby is rubbish
Ten fairly new and relatively rational reasons to hate rugby union



1) In the film Brief Encounter, the main love affair (between two quacking poshos) is shadowed by the comic tryst between the idiot maid and the drooling postman. It's a bit like that episode of the Twilight Zone where David 'Man From Uncle' McCallum plays a slack-jawed retard who is given an amazing new IQ boosting drug. Dave starts of with a thick Yorkshire accent. But, as he gets more and more intelligent, he starts to speak more and more posh. Until he ends up sounding like those RADA kids from the Dairy Lee advert who honked "Hee-arve yow-uh a-hevver wondurred heow yow get triangels fram a ce-ow-ah?" But then - tragedy! The drug starts wearing off and he turns back into a Yorkshireman. The average rugby union fan will have read the above paragraph and said - "Yes? And? So?" This is the first reason to hate rugby union.

2) In an amusing (if rather sad) parody of the real World Cup, the rugger buggers are having a mass frottage session "down under". And the trophy these chaps are competing for is, get this, The William Ellis cup. Young Ellis, you might remember, was the idiot who picked the ball up during a game of football and thus invented the game of rugby. Which means that this is the first ever top level international trophy to be named after a known sports-cheat. It's like if the Olympics were re-named The Ben Johnson Championships. Or the Booker became the Archer. This is the second reason to hate rugby union.

3) Someone called Hywel wrote in the proper, grown up Guardian that the reason why proper football has always and will always kick rugby's over-muscled "ass" is that the general public prefers soccer's effete, lank-haired lady-boys to the smash-faced beefcake puglies of the union code. The subtext being, of course, that football is gayer than rugby. This is true. But then again, marriage is gayer than rugby. Actually doing it with a real lady while smoking a pipe and worrying about the mortgage is gayer than rugby. Rugby is in fact the ungayest thing in the world. The opposite of homosexuality is not heterosexuality. It is rugby. In fact homosexuality can best be described as a complete absence of rugby. This is the third reason to hate rugby union.

4) I stayed up to watch the "highlights" of England v South Africa. What highlights? There are no highlights. Rugby does not "do" highlights. They're probably illegal. They were probably made illegal at the same time as they banned the exciting forearm in the throat tackle. OK, so there was about 15 seconds when the South Africans sort of ran into some vaguely open space. But that was it. This is the fourth reason to hate rugby union.

5) All the players act as if they're scared of the referee. This is despite the fact that they could all "do" the ref, no problem. And let's not forget what rugby players are like in real life - be-blazered, drunken, honking, smash-faced scum of the earth. So they're obviously not refraining from "doing" the ref because they're good people or anything. No, the only reason that rugby players always do what the ref tells them is that they want to make proper football players look bad. The bastards. This is the fifth reason to hate rugby union.

6) Line outs.

7) Scrums

8) Mauling rucks

9) Rucking mauls

10) The rules. They just make them up as they go along. One minute these peeled triceratops style meat-statues are savagely kneeing each other in the face willy nilly. The next the ref's given a penalty for triangular dispensation - but the ball went out of play within the15 second (or three yards - which ever fluctuates the most egregiously within the given time=space equation known as eH) advantage variance zone so...so bollocks, basically. This game is being sold to us as fast! Exciting! And fast! Really fast! It's not! It's slow! And dull! Very, very dull! And massively overcomplicated! And no fun to watch! And bobbins! Basically! This is the tenth reason to hate rugby union.

[sasguru]

Why rugby is rubbish
Ten fairly new and relatively rational reasons to hate rugby union



1) In the film Brief Encounter, the main love affair (between two quacking poshos) is shadowed by the comic tryst between the idiot maid and the drooling postman. It's a bit like that episode of the Twilight Zone where David 'Man From Uncle' McCallum plays a slack-jawed retard who is given an amazing new IQ boosting drug. Dave starts of with a thick Yorkshire accent. But, as he gets more and more intelligent, he starts to speak more and more posh. Until he ends up sounding like those RADA kids from the Dairy Lee advert who honked "Hee-arve yow-uh a-hevver wondurred heow yow get triangels fram a ce-ow-ah?" But then - tragedy! The drug starts wearing off and he turns back into a Yorkshireman. The average rugby union fan will have read the above paragraph and said - "Yes? And? So?" This is the first reason to hate rugby union.

2) In an amusing (if rather sad) parody of the real World Cup, the rugger buggers are having a mass frottage session "down under". And the trophy these chaps are competing for is, get this, The William Ellis cup. Young Ellis, you might remember, was the idiot who picked the ball up during a game of football and thus invented the game of rugby. Which means that this is the first ever top level international trophy to be named after a known sports-cheat. It's like if the Olympics were re-named The Ben Johnson Championships. Or the Booker became the Archer. This is the second reason to hate rugby union.

3) Someone called Hywel wrote in the proper, grown up Guardian that the reason why proper football has always and will always kick rugby's over-muscled "ass" is that the general public prefers soccer's effete, lank-haired lady-boys to the smash-faced beefcake puglies of the union code. The subtext being, of course, that football is gayer than rugby. This is true. But then again, marriage is gayer than rugby. Actually doing it with a real lady while smoking a pipe and worrying about the mortgage is gayer than rugby. Rugby is in fact the ungayest thing in the world. The opposite of homosexuality is not heterosexuality. It is rugby. In fact homosexuality can best be described as a complete absence of rugby. This is the third reason to hate rugby union.

4) I stayed up to watch the "highlights" of England v South Africa. What highlights? There are no highlights. Rugby does not "do" highlights. They're probably illegal. They were probably made illegal at the same time as they banned the exciting forearm in the throat tackle. OK, so there was about 15 seconds when the South Africans sort of ran into some vaguely open space. But that was it. This is the fourth reason to hate rugby union.

5) All the players act as if they're scared of the referee. This is despite the fact that they could all "do" the ref, no problem. And let's not forget what rugby players are like in real life - be-blazered, drunken, honking, smash-faced scum of the earth. So they're obviously not refraining from "doing" the ref because they're good people or anything. No, the only reason that rugby players always do what the ref tells them is that they want to make proper football players look bad. The bastards. This is the fifth reason to hate rugby union.

6) Line outs.

7) Scrums

8) Mauling rucks

9) Rucking mauls

10) The rules. They just make them up as they go along. One minute these peeled triceratops style meat-statues are savagely kneeing each other in the face willy nilly. The next the ref's given a penalty for triangular dispensation - but the ball went out of play within the15 second (or three yards - which ever fluctuates the most egregiously within the given time=space equation known as eH) advantage variance zone so...so bollocks, basically. This game is being sold to us as fast! Exciting! And fast! Really fast! It's not! It's slow! And dull! Very, very dull! And massively overcomplicated! And no fun to watch! And bobbins! Basically! This is the tenth reason to hate rugby union.

And to think you went to all the trouble of posting this tosh. If you watched the game on saturday, you'd get it. Twas a thing of beauty.

[cailin maith]

Bagpuss - Shut up - rugby is miles better than football. End of Story!

[WindyAnna]

Why rugby is rubbish
Ten fairly new and relatively rational reasons to hate rugby union



1) In the film Brief Encounter, the main love affair (between two quacking poshos) is shadowed by the comic tryst between the idiot maid and the drooling postman. It's a bit like that episode of the Twilight Zone where David 'Man From Uncle' McCallum plays a slack-jawed retard who is given an amazing new IQ boosting drug. Dave starts of with a thick Yorkshire accent. But, as he gets more and more intelligent, he starts to speak more and more posh. Until he ends up sounding like those RADA kids from the Dairy Lee advert who honked "Hee-arve yow-uh a-hevver wondurred heow yow get triangels fram a ce-ow-ah?" But then - tragedy! The drug starts wearing off and he turns back into a Yorkshireman. The average rugby union fan will have read the above paragraph and said - "Yes? And? So?" This is the first reason to hate rugby union.

2) In an amusing (if rather sad) parody of the real World Cup, the rugger buggers are having a mass frottage session "down under". And the trophy these chaps are competing for is, get this, The William Ellis cup. Young Ellis, you might remember, was the idiot who picked the ball up during a game of football and thus invented the game of rugby. Which means that this is the first ever top level international trophy to be named after a known sports-cheat. It's like if the Olympics were re-named The Ben Johnson Championships. Or the Booker became the Archer. This is the second reason to hate rugby union.

3) Someone called Hywel wrote in the proper, grown up Guardian that the reason why proper football has always and will always kick rugby's over-muscled "ass" is that the general public prefers soccer's effete, lank-haired lady-boys to the smash-faced beefcake puglies of the union code. The subtext being, of course, that football is gayer than rugby. This is true. But then again, marriage is gayer than rugby. Actually doing it with a real lady while smoking a pipe and worrying about the mortgage is gayer than rugby. Rugby is in fact the ungayest thing in the world. The opposite of homosexuality is not heterosexuality. It is rugby. In fact homosexuality can best be described as a complete absence of rugby. This is the third reason to hate rugby union.

4) I stayed up to watch the "highlights" of England v South Africa. What highlights? There are no highlights. Rugby does not "do" highlights. They're probably illegal. They were probably made illegal at the same time as they banned the exciting forearm in the throat tackle. OK, so there was about 15 seconds when the South Africans sort of ran into some vaguely open space. But that was it. This is the fourth reason to hate rugby union.

5) All the players act as if they're scared of the referee. This is despite the fact that they could all "do" the ref, no problem. And let's not forget what rugby players are like in real life - be-blazered, drunken, honking, smash-faced scum of the earth. So they're obviously not refraining from "doing" the ref because they're good people or anything. No, the only reason that rugby players always do what the ref tells them is that they want to make proper football players look bad. The bastards. This is the fifth reason to hate rugby union.

6) Line outs.

7) Scrums

8) Mauling rucks

9) Rucking mauls

10) The rules. They just make them up as they go along. One minute these peeled triceratops style meat-statues are savagely kneeing each other in the face willy nilly. The next the ref's given a penalty for triangular dispensation - but the ball went out of play within the15 second (or three yards - which ever fluctuates the most egregiously within the given time=space equation known as eH) advantage variance zone so...so bollocks, basically. This game is being sold to us as fast! Exciting! And fast! Really fast! It's not! It's slow! And dull! Very, very dull! And massively overcomplicated! And no fun to watch! And bobbins! Basically! This is the tenth reason to hate rugby union.

You haven't a clue have you?

[sasguru]

Bagpuss - Shut up - rugby is miles better than football. End of Story!

I like footy too, but it is a much simpler sport.

[cailin maith]

I like footy too, but it is a much simpler sport.

But just not as good as rugby..... been drilled into me since I was a kid, I am afraid!