What the hell am I doing here?

[Cliphead]

People are out there are making music, making movies, being outdoors, chilling at home, etc. What am I doing here tapping away at my PC?

I'm working / chilling at home right now and part of my job (if you could call it that), is writing music.

I'm still in IT but no more agents, motorway travelling, having to deal with assorted mongrels, dickheads etc. There's nothing stopping you from doing something different if you really want it.

[Rantor]

I have multiple clients but one of them is turning into Project Stalingrad - I gave a verbal commitment to stick around on a rolling contract but each day I ask myself wtf I am doing there.

This is the first time I've felt physically sick at the prospect of going on site.

[brownie74]

Are you single

no. why? do i sound like a w*nker?

[Lucy]

I have multiple clients but one of them is turning into Project Stalingrad - I gave a verbal commitment to stick around on a rolling contract but each day I ask myself wtf I am doing there.

This is the first time I've felt physically sick at the prospect of going on site.

Dear Rantor

Look after yourself, I've felt like this (and actually been sick) it is horrid, and I am convinced no contract is worth feeling this way.

[threaded]

I had one of those moments of clarity, and went out and bought myself a chip shop.

Whenever I think I have a handle on the world I look at the books for the chip shop.

Reminds me the world is barking, barking mad. Fscking fish and potato salesmen, and don't get me started on the pies.

threaded in "meat and two veg" mode.

[MobileCheese]

IT is not really what I wanted to do either, in fact when I was first starting looking for work I would not apply for IT jobs. I couldnt get a job in the end I then applied for my first IT job and I got it ffs 9 years down the line Im still in IT gggrrrrrrr

I just try and think about the £ Ive been very lucky, and also that though I dont really like it things could of been much worse and therefore its not that bad. When I went to college my choice was a chefs course or a business / IT course, I didnt take the chefs course as I didnt want to fork out the cash for equipment. Not dissing chefs but I think to myself I could of ended up a chef working bad hours and not great money, I would never have been a good chef my cooking is cr*p.

Think of the £ ching ching

[SouthRoute55]

Dear Rantor

Look after yourself, I've felt like this (and actually been sick) it is horrid, and I am convinced no contract is worth feeling this way.

So true, I have been feeling physically ill for almost a year, hate it, recently I am even losing my sleep, which never ever happened before, I've been known to never have enough of sleep, what do I do? I have a family that depends on me, bills to pay etc

[realityhack]

So true, I have been feeling physically ill for almost a year, hate it, recently I am even losing my sleep, which never ever happened before, I've been known to never have enough of sleep, what do I do? I have a family that depends on me, bills to pay etc

Take a break soon. Remind yourself that you're in control. That you may be where you are right now because of convenience or because you're in a 'comfort zone' and can't be arsed/motivated to escape - but that, at the end of the day, you can simply walk away.
I'm only still with this client because the positives outnumber the negatives - your health is more important than any job, if it's that bad - take a sabbatical or an undemanding contract to give yourself some headspace.
Make sure you're not alone, talk it through with friends.

[SouthRoute55]

Take a break soon. Remind yourself that you're in control. That you may be where you are right now because of convenience or because you're in a 'comfort zone' and can't be arsed/motivated to escape - but that, at the end of the day, you can simply walk away.
I'm only still with this client because the positives outnumber the negatives - your health is more important than any job, if it's that bad - take a sabbatical or an undemanding contract to give yourself some headspace.
Make sure you're not alone, talk it through with friends.

Thanks, but as mentioned earlier I have many dependants and financial commitments, if I am on the bench for more than a month or so me and the family will go under. Its not this client who made me feel like a nervous wreck, its the previous one, am still suffering, worrying that same problems will happen again, also the wife is suffering from serious health problems and unable to work. Oh well, may be am not cut out for this contracting, but I have absolutely no other option, if I take a permie role at this moment we may lose everything.

Oh dear here I go moaning again

[brownie74]

Thanks, but as mentioned earlier I have many dependants and financial commitments, if I am on the bench for more than a month or so me and the family will go under. Its not this client who made me feel like a nervous wreck, its the previous one, am still suffering, worrying that same problems will happen again, also the wife is suffering from serious health problems and unable to work. Oh well, may be am not cut out for this contracting, but I have absolutely no other option, if I take a permie role at this moment we may lose everything.

Oh dear here I go moaning again

My honest advice to you is to get extremely fit. Like most people on here i've been through some terribly draining projects over the last 12 years and i know that when i was extremely fit it helped me deal with the stress much better. Sounds like your current project might allow you the luxury of a slightly longer lunch break to go to the gym/pool. Do it. You'll be surprised how much better you feel. Do it for 1 month and come back here and post the results.