How do you...

[Dean]

I must say this is a first class reply, and Dean a new boy too!

Thank you, always nice to be appreciated.

Have been to Relate in the past. Despite what they say, it was a blame trip, and I got all of it. I'll never go through that again.

a) told me a month or so ago that she doesn't love me.

b) is someone I work with, and have done for the past 6 years on and off. So it's hard to avoid her. She's with someone who doesn't love her, or if he does he won't say it, and never has.

And I don't own a fax machine.

Edit: did I say me? I meant to say this friend of mine.

Have you ever had any indication from b) that she's interested? Other than drunken, "you're great you are" moments, I mean.

Is a) serious or was it a one-off? If serious, is she planning on leaving or waiting for you to go? This could affect any settlement in a divorce (as my brother learned to his cost).

[Sockpuppet]

The "step forward" approach never fails.


Draw a white line in your living room.
Invite some local people in (about 3 will do)
Line them and your wife up on the white line.
Announce that anyone who think you love them should take a step forward.
When wife moves reply "Oi, where the hell do you think your going".

Simple and to the point.

[cojak]

a) told me a month or so ago that she doesn't love me.

Yes, as painful as it sounds, you need to go back to your wife and talk to her.

Why did she say this? Don't make any rash decisions yet - think things though first. It may save you a bundle in the future...

[FiveTimes]

a) tell your wife that you don't love

a) told me a month or so ago that she doesn't love me.

Moose, Sorry to hear this, but if she has told you that she doesn't love you a month or so ago, and you are starting to feel the same then its an done deal.
Both parties agree.

Forget about b) who you think you love. That may be a result of how you are feeling currently.

Grab a nice bottle of wine and chat with the missus about it tonight, and if you are going to part do it nice and clean.

[WindyAnna]

If she does love you and you don't lover her and if you don't have kids then WTF are you still doing together? Whever happens iwth (b) just get out, you'll feel sooooooo much better.

If you have kids then you have to think of the impact on them and manage that but the answer is still the same.

[Troll]

Ask for the ring back
Kick her out
Shag her best mate

HTH

[SallyAnne]

a) tell your wife that you don't love her.
b) tell someone you've known for 6 years that you've been in love with her all that time.

Just wondering.

Ah bless you

My other halfs best mate was married to a really lovely lass - totally hot and way out of his league! And we all loved her to bits!

About a year ago he texted us all saying that they'd split up! We were all really shocked....and assumed she'd found someone who wasn't a sad nerd and left him.

Turns out that he wasn't in love with hot bird anymore, and confessed to being secretly in love with a lass he'd worked with for the last 6 years!!!!

He told his hot bird wide, she was devasted, he moved out, told the work mate, she left her hubby (as she'd always felt the same way too!!), his divorce is now through, he lives with the work mate, and they're buying a house together...living happily ever after basically! Never seen him so happy!

And the hot ex wife....she's having a whale of a time sh*gging her way round Newcastle's young lads

Basically...sometimes people make mistakes. You can rectify this by being brave and honest. It worked out for him - it might for you?

The thing is though Moose - even if it didn't work out with the office girl...I think you have to move on if you and your wife are no longer in love and/or happy. You sounds like a lovely bloke, and you deserve to be happy (as does Mrs Moose).

Good luck with whatever you decide

[DBA_bloke]

Firstly, really sorry to read all that - not nice at all.

If you think there's even a whisper of a chance of getting back together, then go to marriage guidance. They know their stuff and have seen every permutation of marriage failure there's ever been - and you haven't, and nor has your wife. Give it a go. And good luck.

[TheFaQQer]

In all seriousness, this may not be the best place to get sound, reasonable, well thought out advice.

Sounds like you and the Mrs need to have a serious talk, and find out whether she really meant it, and whether you do too. Ignore person b for the moment - the main issue here is to sort out what is going to happen and what you / she really wants to happen regarding the marriage. Once you know exactly where you are, and things have settled down, that's the time to start thinking about b more rationally (e.g. is her current bloke bigger / harder than you? And I mean that in a "will he beat me up?" sense rather than a luvvin sense).

Whatever you decide, best of luck.

[TheFaQQer]

You sounds like a lovely bloke, and you deserve to be happy (as does Mrs Moose).

Maybe that's the problem - Mrs Moose sounds like a lovely bloke.