Contract Killer - IR35 caught or not?

[KentPhilip]

call the revenue helpline and ask them

Good thinking.

I'll send them the following email:

Dear HMRC,

I’m thinking about setting up a business as a paid assassin, and I’m wondering whether I would be caught (by IR35 I mean)

If I only had one client, the mafia, but that client consisted of a number of gangs in different UK cities, would that count as a single “disguised employer”, or would the fact that I received payment in cash from different bags hidden on the top floor of several disused car parks and wasteland areas suggest that I have multiple sources of income?

If one of my assistants should be unfortunately shot dead in a gun battle after I have made a payment into his occupational pension, does that mean that I would be unable to regard that payment as deductable against tax because there would be no way to convert the pension into an annuity?

Finally if I was captured and imprisoned, could I claim that by spending time in jail that I am providing compensation to the aggrieved party (the state, or the judge), and that that demonstrates that I am running a true “business-to-business” arrangement, and that the IR35 provisions should not apply.

Thanks!