Hang on, let me get my JCB ready first so I can destroy your house and your cars, while snoopy's christmas is playing on me wireless! 
Mailman
Mailman
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I'm still a permie (for now) in the UK office of an American company and was told off last year for wishing my colleagues a Merry Christmas, "We don't say that any more - it's 'Happy Holidays'". Bugger off it is... after all, who started this time of year tradition?
Oddly enough the woman who told me off was Jewish, but she wasn't telling me off for her ethno-religious group - she was telling me off for the Chinese contingent within the company. Not sure why... they've all found a way to join in anyway: Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, etc.
Part of the problem, really: nobody speaks for themselves - everyone stands up for some perceived insult to some other/imaginary party. The world's gone mad.Comment
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Please don't wish me anything other than a slow painful death, or else I might be offended.
HTHComment
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Death ? I need you alive for my experiments.Originally posted by DimPrawnComment
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> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> TO: All Employees
>
> DATE: October 01, 2003
>
> RE: Christmas Party
>
> I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on
> December 23, starting at noon in the private function room
> at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
> We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing
> along.
> And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
> A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees
> can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over
> $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This
> gathering is
> only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
>
>
>
> Merry Christmas to you and your family.
>
>
>
> Patty
>
> ================================================== ===
>
> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> TO: All Employees
>
> DATE: October 02, 2003
>
> RE: Holiday Party
>
> In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We
> recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday,
> which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
> However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy
> applies to any other employees who are not Christians or
> those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree
> present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of
> music for your enjoyment.
>
> Happy now?
>
>
> Happy Holidays to you and your family.
>
>
> Patty
>
> ================================================== ===
>
> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
>
> TO: All Employees
>
>
> DATE: October 03, 2003
>
>
> RE: Holiday Party
>
> Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
> requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name.
> I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that
> reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed
> to handle this?
>
> Somebody?
>
> Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchanges are allowed since the
> union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and
> executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
>
> NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
>
>
>
>
> ================================================== ===
>
> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> To: All Employees
>
> DATE: October 04, 2003
>
> RE: Holiday Party
>
> What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
> Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
> during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate
> how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim
> employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your
> meal until the end of the party- or else package everything for you to
> take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've
> arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from The dessert
> buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
> Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with
> Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower
> arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to
> cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We will have
> booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on
> a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for
> those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh
> fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply
> "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
>
>
> Did I miss anything?!?!?
>
> Patty
>
>
>
> ================================================== ===
>
> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> TO: All ******* Employees
>
> DATE: October 05, 2003
>
> RE: The F**king Holiday Party
>
> Vegetarian ****** I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this
> party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so
> you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you
> so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f**king salad bar,
> including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too.
> They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them
> scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk
> and die,
>
> The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!
>
>
>
> ================================================== ===
>
> FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
>
>
> DATE: October 06, 2003
>
>
> RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
>
> I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and
> I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the
> meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give
> everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
>
> Happy Holidays!Comment
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It was funny 3 years ago, and again 2 years ago, and last year...
Btw, it is my personal policy to punch the living crap out of anyone who says Happy Holidays to me (unless I'm in the US, in which case the majority rules). I usually try and correct them though - Happy Vacations anyone?
Last edited by Mordac; 24 November 2006, 10:13.His heart is in the right place - shame we can't say the same about his brain...Comment
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I like the fact that it happened to an HR director.Originally posted by MordacComment
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It didn't happen to anybody! It's a comedy sketch, a skit, a pun, a humourous reflection.Originally posted by stackpole
It's not flaming real!!!Comment
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You don't say!Originally posted by ChurchillComment
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Actually, I just did.Originally posted by stackpoleComment
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