Complete this "Daily Mail headline" competition

[Old Greg]

Channel 5 newsreader Sian Williams was left 'sore, swollen and bruised' after being asulted by illegal single monther emigrant on weeky benefits of £1,500.

It's no wonder you've been driven out of the employment market by educated immigrants. Did you vote Brexit perchance?

[OwlHoot]

KUATB

It happened twice - They were on the same flight!

[Platypus]

in an aisle seat on a transatlantic flight and passed by a CUKker to reach his window seat

... in business class

[MrMarkyMark]

Channel 5 newsreader Sian Williams was left 'sore, swollen and bruised' after being Trampled on in a Florida McDonald's Closing Time Stampede by an Obese, out of work, UK Based IT "Specialist".

[SueEllen]

Damn just seen the real headline.

[jamesbrown]

...informed that her house price was less than expected.