Starting a new job - tips

[FatLazyContractor]

Some tips

- Spot the good looking lasses at work.
- Oggle at their tits constantly.
- Figure out the type of knickers the lasses at work usually wear. Keep away from butt-flossers.
- Spend plenty of time in the bogs.

Have I missed something ladies?

[MrMarkyMark]

FTFY

- Spot the good looking lasses at work.
- Oggle at their tits constantly.
- Figure out the type of knickers the lasses at work usually wear and buy a set of the same to wear yourself. Keep away from butt-flossers.
- Spend plenty of time in the bogs.

Have I missed something ladies?

[northernladuk]

[FatLazyContractor]

FTFY

[greenlake]

You don't sound very confident in yourself. How do you get contracts sounding like that???

The project manager has arrived....

[oracleslave]

https://www.manager-tools.com/2012/0...-plan-overview

It's permie focussed but there are some helpful thoughts in this podcast.

Main theme - fit in and start developing relationships with people. Don't try and effect huge change in the first few weeks unless you're specifically being brought in to rescue a failing programme or something.

[DallasDad]

@OP

1st day
Pre req once there (assuming you know where 'there' is otherwise add a step to triangulate on site and nearest parking):
1, Find the Bogs.
2, Find the Coffee Machines.
3, Get VPN access sorted out.
4, Do mandatory H&S and access control stuff.
5, Go home mid afternoon to test VPN.

2nd day WFH
3rd day WFH - arrange on site meeting with project team
4th day On site meeting with project team.
5th Day WFH

Do ensure ringer on mobile is at low volume, forgetting to do that really announces you have arrived in style and limits blending in ...

If you really have problems with names just bring some extra sticky post it notes and sticker everyone - the forehead is a good place.
I am sure they really will not mind especially if you explain it away as akin to doing critical path analysis like wot real PMs used to not so many years ago.

Failing that just hide in plain sight for a few days till you can creep about unnoticed.

HTH

This is in General isn't it?

[BrilloPad]

Ask your accountant

FTFY

[JackOfAllIT]

You don't sound very confident in yourself. How do you get contracts sounding like that???

24,016 useless posts. Still single?

[JackOfAllIT]

- Spot the good looking lasses at work.
- Oggle at their tits constantly.
- Figure out the type of knickers the lasses at work usually wear. Keep away from butt-flossers.
- Spend plenty of time in the bogs.

Have I missed something ladies?

hahahahaha this is standard. always.