In scenario two, I spend £100 + £20, I recharge £120, HMRC gets £17.40. I get back £102.60. If I wasn't on flat rate VAT, HMRC get nothing.
Don´t you subtract the VAT already paid, i.e. 20? Why not? My understanding is you subtract any VAT paid from all VAT recipts and you pay the difference. OK that´s the general principle of VAT but admittedly I´m not running a Ltd in the UK.
In any case you´re the supplier and she is the customer, so no I wouldn´t stand your ground. I would only do that with a supplier. You´ve made 10 grand and your potentially throwing away a customer over 20 pounds. Send her a bunch of flowers and apologise.
If you can demonstrate you´re out of pocket in amicable way I´m sure it might be possible to get your money back.
At the moment I don´t understand why you´re out of pocket, if you can explain it so I understand it, then probably the same explanation would suffice for her.
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