Non Agile Technical Roles

[_V_]

I've been in IT since 1990-ish and I've no idea what 'Agile' or 'Scrum' is. Mainly cos IDGAF.

What are they (in easy one liners pls)?

Imagine a team of builders tasked with building a house. Break the build into two week mini-projects. Every two weeks, change the direction and contents of the project:

Single Storey, Two Storey, Block of Flats, house faces north, house faces south, Pitched roof, flat roof, 10 Windows, 5 Windows, 20 Windows, Make it out of wood, Make it out of Brick....

And then watch the team of happy builders deliver a great housing estate....

[LondonManc]

Imagine a team of builders tasked with building a house. Break the build into two week mini-projects. Every two weeks, change the direction and contents of the project:

Single Storey, Two Storey, Block of Flats, house faces north, house faces south, Pitched roof, flat roof, 10 Windows, 5 Windows, 20 Windows, Make it out of wood, Make it out of Brick....

And then watch the team of happy builders deliver a great housing estate....

Kind of not right.

Stek, the principle behind agile is to deliver little and often (just like Waterfall!). That is, deliver some functionality each week. As such, it's ideal for websites. Someone saw it work well at a web company and the consultancy has now tried to shoehorn every industry into agile. Used properly and done correctly it works well; aside from that, it's just an excuse to document nothing.

[SunnyInHades]

I've been in IT since 1990-ish and I've no idea what 'Agile' or 'Scrum' is. Mainly cos IDGAF.

What are they (in easy one liners pls)?

REM Blag 'ur way in Agile. Don't forget to add lots of 'syntactic sugar' and BS

SET ToDoList = Tasks;
SET DoingList = empty; REM aka 'sprint' tasks
SET DoneList = empty;

BEGIN AGILE:

WHILE (DoneList != Tasks)

REM Do a 'sprint'
Demo current version of software if applicable;
Have a meeting called a 'scrum' where everyone says/agrees what tasks they've done/doing since the last meeting;
Update ToDoList, DoingList and DoneList;

END WHILE

END AGILE

[stek]

REM Blag 'ur way in Agile. Don't forget to add lots of 'syntactic sugar' and BS

SET ToDoList = Tasks;
SET DoingList = empty; REM aka 'sprint' tasks
SET DoneList = empty;

BEGIN AGILE:

WHILE (DoneList != Tasks)

REM Do a 'sprint'
Demo current version of software if applicable;
Have a meeting called a 'scrum' where everyone says/agrees what tasks they've done/doing since the last meeting;
Update ToDoList, DoingList and DoneList;

END WHILE

END AGILE

So for a Unix type like me?;

while true;do echo Talk shìte;done

[LondonManc]

So for a Unix type like me?;

while true;do echo Talk shìte;done

Or in Spectrum BASIC:

1 PRINT "blah blah blah";
2 GOTO 1

[eek]

Or in Spectrum BASIC:

100 PRINT "blah blah blah";
200 GOTO 100

FTFY Agile means that the specification won't be finished yet so you need to build in means for more pointless random tulip to be added later.

[LondonManc]

FTFY Agile means that the specification won't be finished yet so you need to build in means for more pointless random tulip to be added later.

I'd already saved it to tape and turned my Speccy off, so you'll need LOAD "" to get it back

[AndrewK]

It is sad but Agile is nothing more than coconut headphones syndrome.
70% of the time people pretend they do Agile. That is easy - daily standups where nobody listens and planning sessions where you vote always same as others (or 3). Manager call themselves product owner but still continue managing team as before and sometimes scrum “coach” consultants, who too stupid to write code, don’t understand business and think they are priests who are distributing God’s will on earth.

[The Plantswoman]

sometimes scrum “coach” consultants, who too stupid to write code, don’t understand business and think they are priests who are distributing God’s will on earth.

Yes, and the consequent belittling of the programmers who write the code.

Then again, where I'm working, that's entirely justified in most cases.

[SussexSeagull]

Kind of not right.

Stek, the principle behind agile is to deliver little and often (just like Waterfall!). That is, deliver some functionality each week. As such, it's ideal for websites. Someone saw it work well at a web company and the consultancy has now tried to shoehorn every industry into agile. Used properly and done correctly it works well; aside from that, it's just an excuse to document nothing.

Just about sums it up. Never quite git my head round why regulation heavy industries insist on using it as they can't really change things mid project.