Saudi Haute Cuisine

**RichardCranium** · 24 March 2010, 19:36

Originally posted by Drewster View Post

SW/M - Your meaty labia Sir!
D - EH???

SW/M - You wanted meaty labia sir? Here is your hot meaty labia... very nice......
D - <thinks Oh gawd... here we go again.....> Shakrun.....

**Fred Bloggs** · 24 March 2010, 19:37

Nice story. Fancy a bacon butty or a pork pie?

**cailin maith** · 24 March 2010, 19:39

Originally posted by Drewster View Post

I decided against the Hotels "Catch of the Day - Seafood Buffet" tonight.... its actually very nice but there really is only so much Lobster, King Prawn & Sushi that I can face (they do the "Catch of the Day" twice a week so I'll not miss out).

I had seen a few restaurants on the Taxi drive to work so I decided to go native........ quick call to Abdulla my tame cabbie and 10 mins later....
Abdulla - Ah Sir Drewster welcome welcome!!!
Drewster - Good evening Abdulla my good man... could you recommend a good restaurant....
A - Ah Sir Drewster welcome welcome Salaam Alekheim welcome.... You go Kornishe? I take you....
D - Well actually Abdulla old chap I was hoping you would take me to a restaurant....
A - You want eat? Yeah Yeah I take you good place.... Saudi place good good...
D - Thank you Abdulla that would be splendid.....
<..... short Taxi ride....>
A - Mr Drewster you go here... I wait.......
D - Thank you my good man.... I shall call you later....
<...... Drewster approaches building that could be anything from a warehouse to well...... a warehouse......>
<Very large Arab gentleman with large hooked nose, goatee and full Thobe and Shimak steps out of shadow....>
VLAG - You want eat... welcome welcome.....
D - <thought> well at least it looks like they do food
<Escorted to table in fairly nice restaurant...... and given menu...>
D - <thought> Oh Tulip... Arabic Menu..... wtf is this...... oh some english looking words there.... Mmmmmmmm
<beckons waiter> Errr Salaam Alekheim...
W - Alekheim Salaam... <poises with pen......>
D - Errrr <points at menu> whats that?
W - Lahmb Nukell Sup
D <thinks> Lamb Knuckle Soup... well how bad can that be?
D - Do you do kebabs....
W - Ya Ya Mix Kehbab nice nice you like....
D - and a Lemon & Mint please.....
<...... pause - they don't bring your drinks first... you wait until you food comes.....>
<Waiter comes back with drink, basket of "bread" (as usual some sort of Chappatie/Naan like offering... normally loads of it and fresh out of brick oven) and a bowl of soup......>
D - Shukrun..... <peers into bowl............>

<slight aside to provide context - I am a real east end london lad at heart and in my youth I ate various fairly rough and ready meals with grandparents and father..... cockles, welks, Pie & mash and in particular "Tripe and Onion" and "Tripe and Cowheel" - now although I used to eat this Tulip as a lad I have never in my adult life had any desire to eat Tripe again>

<thinks> Oh FFS its a bowl of boiled tripe.... Jeeeeezus H 'kin 'eck

For those of you that have never had Tripe let me describe this....
Imagine a (large) bowl full of dishwater....
Now imagine a layer of grease and fat floating on top.....
(Getting an image)
Now imagine floating in this steaming, greasy puddle.... several large globs of mucus.... no lets be a bit clearer.... several large globs of the sort of Catarrh that you get with a bad cold......
plus a few elephants/camels foreskins and a toenail or two......
Oh FFS How can I eat this.....
<I am a very polite lad and it would be very rude not to make the attempt so...... dive in, dip the bread in, spoon out a few mouthfuls......grit teeth... swallow....... there that'll do..... large gulps of Lemon & Mint Ahhhhhhh>

Main course..... well mixed bits of meat and kebab (most of them DON'T look like Suitys rotting albino nob) so reasonably edible.... as long as I don't think of Tripe....... <gulp...>

Then I decide <I need a pud..... waiter brings menu....>
D - <"reading" menu..... points at arabic scrawl with Bab Ali written next to it> Errr whats that?
W - Ah! Me<mumble mumble>ia....
D - <thinks - Whatever! How bad could it be..........> Yes please.....
<.... pause... until senior waiter/manager brings over large bowl>
SW/M - Your meaty labia Sir!
D - EH???

SW/M - You wanted meaty labia sir? Here is your hot meaty labia... very nice......
D - <thinks Oh gawd... here we go again.....> Shakrun.....

Meaty Labia - turns out to be some kind of milk pudding - sort of like bread and butter pudding mixed with several layers of the skin of off rice pudding......... which given its name isn't that bad...... but I think I have thrown up more appetising mixtures......

Remind me again...... Why didn't I stick with the bloody Lobster and Prawns!!

Sorry Drew

**Drewster** · 24 March 2010, 19:45

Originally posted by Fred Bloggs View Post

Nice story. Fancy a bacon butty or a pork pie?

That is below the belt!! <Well done!!

>

**threaded** · 25 March 2010, 07:15

Originally posted by Drewster View Post

SW/M - Your meaty labia Sir!
D - EH???

That's the spirit. Just jump right in. It's way better than hotel sushi.

Actually the names for your dishes were:

Ab-Goosht

Chelow kebab

Bab Ali is what was written on the door when you came in, i.e. "tonights special". That's why when he came back it was with meaty labia..

HTH

**Gibbon** · 25 March 2010, 07:44

Similiar but not as traumatising thing happened to me in Rome.

One lunch time went into a small neighbourhood trattoria that I'd used many times before. There was a table of old men troughing down something with tomato sauce. Thinking it must be good I indicated to the waiter that I would like the same. Trippa ! he quizzicaly asked. Si Si I replied.

It was tripe in tomato sauce. Feck me it was awful. But not wanting to cause offence I ate the lot drowned in cheese.

Couldn't eat the rest of the down as I was one mouthful away from vomiting.

Saudi Haute Cuisine