SKATE TOP 10 FACTS.
1) They are not related in anyway to grasshoppers.
2) They do not need feding after (or even before) midnight.
3) When skateboards and the old Bill meet, old Mr. Willy gets mucho
angry bastardish.
4) They do not taste good even when fried.
5) They are the creations of the Grand Emperor Ming the Merciless.
6) Usually they are bits of trees.
7) They have personal vendettas against kerbs.
8) They are bloody highly priced.
9) They begin life as fingerboards the grow through freestyle, street
and ramp size until they become long boards and promptly retire.
10) They make good pets and are guarenteed not to tulip in your house.
HOW TO MAKE YOUR SKATEBOARD LIGHTER.
1. Go and get your skateboard
2. Speed across the kitchen and pop an ollie onto the table
3. Get screamed at by your mum
4. Run out to the garage and nick your dads toolbox
5. Take off trucks and risers etc.
6. Get pissed off 'cos the nuts are all rusty and rounded
7. Fart a well known tune backwards
8. Go to the freezer and nick the lid off an ice-cream box
9. Get whacked on the head by mums wooden spoon
10. Hide for 10 minutes and then go back to garage
11. Bolt one truck on the ice-cream box lid
12. GO SKATE
13. Fall off and break at least two bones
14. Blaspheme for at least two minutes
15. Crawl into the nearest drain and play with your willy for 5 years
16. Advantage - Lighter board. Disadvantage - It don't f**kin' work
WHATS FOOL WHATS COOL
* felt tip crosses on * real tattoos in places
back of hands where it shows
* up turned crucifixes * happy shopper t-shirts
* "witty scousers" * drunk welshmen
* comfy baseball boots * hard-as-nails jack boots
* Amsterdam * any Soviet block city
* dancing to bands * heckling the sods
* skate shorts * cut off long johns
* Night Network * Married With Children
* Acid,House + Soul * Ska, Two-Tone + Guitars
* skatebording in general * just about anything without wheels
- Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
- Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!
Reply to: Skateboarding
Collapse
You are not logged in or you do not have permission to access this page. This could be due to one of several reasons:
- You are not logged in. If you are already registered, fill in the form below to log in, or follow the "Sign Up" link to register a new account.
- You may not have sufficient privileges to access this page. Are you trying to edit someone else's post, access administrative features or some other privileged system?
- If you are trying to post, the administrator may have disabled your account, or it may be awaiting activation.
Logging in...
Previously on "Skateboarding"
Collapse
- Home
- News & Features
- First Timers
- IR35 / S660 / BN66
- Employee Benefit Trusts
- Agency Workers Regulations
- MSC Legislation
- Limited Companies
- Dividends
- Umbrella Company
- VAT / Flat Rate VAT
- Job News & Guides
- Money News & Guides
- Guide to Contracts
- Successful Contracting
- Contracting Overseas
- Contractor Calculators
- MVL
- Contractor Expenses
Advertisers
Contractor Services
CUK News
- Streamline Your Retirement with iSIPP: A Solution for Contractor Pensions Sep 1 09:13
- Making the most of pension lump sums: overview for contractors Sep 1 08:36
- Umbrella company tribunal cases are opening up; are your wages subject to unlawful deductions, too? Aug 31 08:38
- Contractors, relabelling 'labour' as 'services' to appear 'fully contracted out' won't dupe IR35 inspectors Aug 31 08:30
- How often does HMRC check tax returns? Aug 30 08:27
- Work-life balance as an IT contractor: 5 top tips from a tech recruiter Aug 30 08:20
- Autumn Statement 2023 tipped to prioritise mental health, in a boost for UK workplaces Aug 29 08:33
- Final reminder for contractors to respond to the umbrella consultation (closing today) Aug 29 08:09
- Top 5 most in demand cyber security contract roles Aug 25 08:38
- Changes to the right to request flexible working are incoming, but how will contractors be affected? Aug 24 08:25