Didn't spot the joke thread in the first couple of pages, so I'll put it here:
Tom had been in business for 25 years and was finally sick of the stress. He quit his job and bought 50 acres of land in Alaska, as far from humanity as possible. He saw the postman once a week and got groceries once a month; otherwise it was total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocked on his door. He opened it and there stood a huge, bearded man.
"Name's Lars, your neighbour from forty miles up the road... Having a Christmas party Friday night... Thought you might like to come... About five o'clock..."
"Great," said Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."
As Lars was leaving, he stopped and said, "Gotta warn ya...There's gonna be some serious drinkin'."
"Not a problem," said Tom, "after 25 years in business, I can drink with the best of 'em."
Again, as he started to leave, Lars stopped and said, "More'n' likely gonna be some bad fightin' too!"
Tom said, "Well, I get along with people, I'll be alright. I'll be there. Thanks again."
Once again Lars turned from the door, saying "More'n likely be some really wild sex, too."
"Now that's really not a problem," said Tom, warming to the idea. "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"
Lars stopped in the door again and said:
"Whatever you want. Just gonna be the two of us."
