Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.
Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh day resting. He
enquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God pointed downwards through the clouds. "Look Michael, look what I've
made" said God. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call
it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing down to different parts of the Earth,
"For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and
wealth, while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over
there will be a hot spot, and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I've
placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black
people."
God continued, pointing to the different countries.
This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold
and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to another area of
land and asked,
"What's that?"
"Ah," said God. That's the North of England, the most glorious place on
earth. There are beautiful people, seven Premiership football teams in the
North West alone, and many impressive cities; it is the home of the
world's finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, explorers and
politicians. The people from the North of England are going to be modest,
intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the
world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving,
and they will be known throughout the world as speakers of truth."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed,
"What about balance God, you said there will be BALANCE!"
God replied very wisely,
"Wait till you see the bunch of tossers I'm putting down South !
