The long awaited Nauseous Music Encyclopaedia Pop Quiz
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Win one of the following five fab prizes...
* Andrew Ridgleys Guitar (as new, never been used)
* A Kylie Minogue Karaoke machine (sing along to her records, it's
more than she ever does)
* Half an hour alone in a sound proofed room with a baseball bat
and Jason Donovan tied to a chair
* A weekend for two, locked in a chemists shop with Keith Richards
* A lifelong membership to the Cliff Richard appreciation society.
All you have to do is answer the following easy questions:
1. Jimmy Sommerville looks the way he does because:
a) He's labouring under the misapprehension that he's Tintin.
b) He had an argument with a witchdoctor.
c) He spent too much time reading 'Bunty' as a child.
2. Listening to Pet Shop Boys records is about as entertaining as
having your appendix removed with no anaesthetic by a blind
surgeon with St.Vitus dance, using a hacksaw and a pair of
garden shears. True or False?
3. Which record took Lena Martell to number one in the UK for what
seemed like 43 years?
a) One day at a time sweet Jesus.
b) Oh sweet Lord
c) I'm a donkey shagging nymphobunny with stirrups on my knickers.
4. A-Ha! were originally going to be called:
a) O-Ho
b) Uh-huh
c) We are Three Mincing Norwegians
5. Noddy Holders voice sounds like:
a) A Warthog having it's testicles buffed up with an electric sander.
b) A Formula One racing car suddenly being slung into reverse at
130 mph.
c) A Panther falling down a moving escalator whilst being buggered by
a gorilla.
6. Complete the following lyric - 'I didn't know I loved you till I
saw you...'
a) Rock 'n' Roll
b) Touch your forehead with your tongue
c) Suck a hard boiled egg up a hosepipe and swallow it whole.
7. Madonna is popular because:
a) She writes good songs.
b) She's excellent in concert.
c) She never misses a single opportunity to get her tits out and
talk dirty.
8. The BBC persists in screening Top Of The Pops because:
a) The BBC is run by a bunch of chinless, out of touch gits who
wouldn't recognise a decent music show if it whacked them round the
back of the head with a large haddock and stapled their foreskins
to their upper lips.
b) It's either that or an hour long episode of Eastenders.
c) They think we're all a bunch of pre-pubescant cretins who enjoy
watching people mime to records we don't even like.
9. In his spare time Cliff Richard likes to:
a) Play tennis
b) Practise Christianity
c) Lie on a tigerskin rug with his pants full of margarine while a
shaven puffin pecks at his nipples.
10. Frank Zappa called his son Dweezel because:
a) He hates him.
b) He did so much acid in the 60's that he doesn't know his arse
from a South American tree frog.
c) He figured he was going to have such a ridiculous surname anyway
that it didn't really matter.
AND NOW! Complete this tiebreaker in no more than 100 words..
I think Stock, Aitken and Waterman ought to have a nuclear warhead
shoved up their collective arseholes because.......................
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