Some things you must know when driving on the Continent

Visitors can check out the Forum FAQ by clicking this link. You have to register before you can post: click the REGISTER link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. View our Forum Privacy Policy.
Want to receive the latest contracting news and advice straight to your inbox? Sign up to the ContractorUK newsletter here. Every sign up will also be entered into a draw to WIN £100 Amazon vouchers!

You are not logged in or you do not have permission to access this page. This could be due to one of several reasons:

You are not logged in. If you are already registered, fill in the form below to log in, or follow the "Sign Up" link to register a new account.
You may not have sufficient privileges to access this page. Are you trying to edit someone else's post, access administrative features or some other privileged system?
If you are trying to post, the administrator may have disabled your account, or it may be awaiting activation.

Guest started a topic Some things you must know when driving on the Continent

31 March 2005, 23:00
Some things you must know when driving on the Continent

Some things you must know when driving on the Continent
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Your life expectancy is thirty-six minutes

2. Never look where you are going. The police keep a look out for
this sort of thing.

3. Never give way. If you want to turn left against the traffic, stop
and get out your travellers checks.

4. Make sure that you are in the wrong gear all the time.

5. Continental law forbids any driver under the influence of teetotalism
Strict measures are taken to ensure this. If the alcohol count in
your bloodstream is less than 87%, you may be liable for prosecution.

6. There are many hills and other prominences abroad. Make certain, when
going over the brow of a hill or around a corner, that you are on the
wrong side of the road and busy talking to the person beside you.

7. You will know if you are on the wrong side of the road when there is
oncoming traffic your side of the road.

8. Always steer the car with your little finger and don't use the wind-
screen. Since you'll be overtaking most of the time, drive constantly
looking into your rear view mirror.

9. All front seat passengers on the continent are obliged, under the law
to be mad.

10. Never stop suddenly for chickens, peasants, donkeys or because your
eight week old puppy has shot through the wind screen. You may cause
an accident.

11. Accelerate when approaching an going over narrow bridges. This will
give you a better chance of getting there before a large truck of
inflammable liquid.

12. In dense fog, continental law obliges you to see how fast you can go.

13. Remember 1 km. = 25 mph.

14. Traffic signs don't exist. Rely on the body gestures of oncoming
drivers. If you see a bus driver hitting his chest you know he is
having a heart attack and is going to veer of the road and down a
deep gully. If you see a driver looking down at his lap you know he
is making himself a sandwich is likely to smash into you with no
warning.

15. Using your horn all the time is the key to driving on the continent.
If in doubt, honk that horn!
Tags: None