SKATE TOP 10 FACTS.
1) They are not related in anyway to grasshoppers.
2) They do not need feeding after (or even before) midnight.
3) When skateboards and the old Bill meet, old Mr. Willy gets mucho
angry bastardish.
4) They do not taste good even when fried.
5) They are the creations of the Grand Emperor Ming the Merciless.
6) Usually they are bits of trees.
7) They have personal vendettas against kerbs.
8) They are bloody highly priced.
9) They begin life as fingerboards the grow through freestyle, street
and ramp size until they become long boards and promptly retire.
10) They make good pets and are guarenteed not to sh*t in your house.
HOW TO MAKE YOUR SKATEBOARD LIGHTER.
1. Go and get your skateboard
2. Speed across the kitchen and pop an ollie onto the table
3. Get screamed at by your mum
4. Run out to the garage and nick your dads toolbox
5. Take off trucks and risers etc.
6. Get pissed off 'cos the nuts are all rusty and rounded
7. Fart a well known tune backwards
8. Go to the freezer and nick the lid off an ice-cream box
9. Get whacked on the head by mums wooden spoon
10. Hide for 10 minutes and then go back to garage
11. Bolt one truck on the ice-cream box lid
12. GO SKATE
13. Fall off and break at least two bones
14. Blaspheme for at least two minutes
15. Crawl into the nearest drain and play with your willy for 5 years
16. Advantage - Lighter board
Disadvantage - It don't f**kin' work
WHATS FOOL WHATS COOL
* felt tip crosses on * real tattoos in places
back of hands where it shows
* up turned crucifixes * happy shopper t-shirts
* "witty scousers" * drunk welshmen
* comfy baseball boots * hard-as-nails jack boots
* Amsterdam * any Soviet block city
* dancing to bands * heckling the sods
* skate shorts * cut off long johns
* Night Network * Married With Children
* Acid,House + Soul * Ska, Two-Tone + Guitars
* skatebording in general * just about anything without wheels
