Michael Jackson

Re: Michael Jackson Press Conference

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Re: Michael Jackson Press Conference

Knock knock

Who's there

Little boy blue

Little boy blue who

........Answers on a postcard

Michael Jackson Press Conference

Wednesday, 11:15 a.m., PST

Official Transcript of Press Conference conducted by Santa Barbara Sheriff Jim Anderson

Anderson: Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.

Yesterday morning at around 8:30 a.m., investigators from the Santa Barbara Sheriff's Department served a search warrant at Neverland Ranch. Approximately 70 investigators from the sheriff's department and district attorney's office were involved in the service of this warrant at Neverland Ranch. The operation was concluded around 11 p.m. PT last night. The service of the warrants was part of an ongoing investigation alleging criminal misconduct on the part of Michael Jackson.


The basis for this investigation regarding Mr. Jackson involves allegations of child molestation 288(a) of the California penal code.


Additionally, an arrest warrant for Mr. Jackson has been issued on multiple counts of child molestation. The bail amount on the warrant has been set at $3 million.


Now we'll open it up to the press for questions.

Reporter: Yes, What does Michael Jackson consider a perfect 10?

Anderson: I'm sorry?

Reporter: What does Michael Jackson consider a perfect ten?

Anderson: I... don't know...

Reporter: Two five year olds!

[Reporters break out into laughter]

Anderson: Come on. That's just childish. Next question, please.

Reporter: Yes, have you also heard today that the Boy Scouts released Michael Jackson from his Cub Scouts duties?

Anderson: No, I'm sorry I hadn't.

Reporter: Yeah, apparently he was up to a pack a day.

[Reporters ROAR with laughter]

Anderson: No more Michael Jackson jokes! Serious questions only. [Scans room] Yes, you.

Reporter: Yes, it was our understanding that upon hearing the news of his arrest, Mr. Jackson had to be taken to the hospital.


Anderson: I hadn't heard that.

Reporter: Yeah, apparently he was choking on a small bone!

[Reporters are now CONVULSING in uncontrollable laughter]

Anderson: Quiet! That's enough! Don't you have any compassion or understanding of the present situation? A man is being accused of sexually molesting an innocent 12-year-old boy, and there could very well be other children who were molested, and all you can do is use this opportunity to crack jokes?"


[Reporters begin to hang heads in shame]

Anderson: Good. Now, does anyone have a question pertaining to the investigation that's not a Michael Jackson joke?

[No hands raise]

Anderon: "NONE OF YOU?!"

[A hand goes up]

Anderson: Yes, you there.

Reporter: What exactly were investigators looking for when you searched Mr. Jackson's home?

Anderson: This isn't a setup to a joke?

Reporter: No sir, it's a serious question.

Anderson: Well good, but unfortunately, I'm not at liberty to discuss that.

Repoter: Really? Because we were told you were looking for something black and white and comes in little cans!

[Reporters BURST OUT in laughter]

Anderson: Now come on! That's just... no wait, you know I just got it - Comes in little cans! [Laughs]. Okay, okay, I got one, and stop me if you've heard this one before: How does the sheriff's department already know he's guilty?

[waits for anticipation]

Anderson: Because several children have already fingered him!"

[Reporters HOWL]

Michael Jackson has skipped bail and escaped to Florida - a police spokesman said "We believe he's gone to Tampa with his kids!"