Baghdad

News Flash

News reports have filtered out early this morning that US forces have
swooped on a Baghdad housewife who was found in possession of a pint of
milk, a saucepan, a spoon, a gas stove and a packet of Instant Potato.


She was charged with being in possession of Weapons of Mash Production.

Lt.Col Tim Collins' speech to British troops:

"If you are ferocious in battle, remember to be magnanimous in victory. We go to liberate, not to conquer. We are entering Iraq to free a people,
and the only flag that will be flown in that ancient land is their own. Don't treat them as refugees, for they are in their own country.

If there are casualties of war, then remember, when they woke up and got dressed in the morning they did not plan to die this day.

Allow them dignity in death. Bury them properly and mark their graves. You will be shunned unless your conduct is of the highest, for your deeds
will follow you down history. Iraq is steeped in history. It is the site of the Garden of Eden, of the Great Flood and the birth of Abraham. Tread lightly there."

Vice Admiral Timothy Keating's speech to US troops:

"When the president says 'Go', look out - it's hammer time"

(followed by We Will Rock You at high volume

Saddam Hussein's son, Uday, comes home from shopping with all of the
groceries ina cardboard box.

Saddam says
"Uday, why have you brought all of the shopping home in a cardboard box?"

"Because"
says Uday,
"there's no bag, Dad."

BOOM BOOM!

:rollin :rollin :rollin