Jokes for the boys

Out

I was about to go out, but its fecking raining -- which is good cuz it should put off chavs and other duck feeders off, so ducks will be hungry and will pinch each other fighting for bread

Re: joke

AtW, you need to get out a LOT more.

joke

Two programmers argue about something, and finally one of them says: "Look, lets take for argument's sake a number, say 1000.... no, lets take a round number: 1024"

Q. How long does it take a woman to orgasm?
A. Who cares!

She said: Who do you think you are going to please with that little thing?
He said: Me.

Q. What is the difference between a woman and a toilet?
A. You dont have to cuddle a toilet for 20 minutes after you have used it.

Q. Why do women have legs?
A. So they can walk from the kitchen to the bedroom.

it goes on.....

> Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a
week later.

Some of them are moderately funny, but not that one - My washing machine calls as soon as its load is complete, and whatever the hour it won't stop until the door is opened.

Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a
week later.

Q. Why did god create Adam before he created eve?
A. Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.

Q. Why don't women wear watches?
A. There's a clock on the stove!

Q. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Bl0wjob?
A. Bl0wjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a bl0wjob.

Q. Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
A. They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.

Q. What's the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin?
A. You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week.

Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having s3x?
A. Call her and tell her.

Q. A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it.
A. The thief was spending less then his wife.

Q. Why do women have small feet?
A. So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Q. Why do men die before their wives?
A. They want to.

Q. What's the difference between a man and ET?
A. ET phoned home.

Q. Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet?
A. It doesn't need cleaning.

Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your c0ck?
A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

Q. What's the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman?
A. A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man
dreams of dating them.

Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A. Women don't get bl0wjobs while they're driving

Q. How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count?
A. If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.

Q. What's the difference between meds and cowboy hats?
A. Cowboy hats are for ar$e holes.

Q. Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at
the front wanting in. Which one do you let in?
A. The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!

Q: How do you know when your wife is really dead?
A: Your s3x life is the same but your washing pile gets bigger.

Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant
A. Marry it.

Q. How do you make five pounds of fat look good?
A. Give it a n!pple.