Reply to: The Story Thread.... (move it to light later)

[Bagpuss]

Mumbled SASguru from the confines of his padded cell. His day release had not been a success and he was back. The therapy sessions had not managed to control his Walter Mittism delusions of grandeur. The truth was indeed a far cry from the internet persona he had fabricated. If only they knew the disturbing abhorations committed to him in the Hackney high rise which was his 'childhood' home. If they knew they would have pitied him, and understood why he had grown into such a loathsome individual. His mother lately a ten bob crack whore,his father a simple halfwit, knew the truth and deep down so did SAS, "Heaven is a place on earth" he mumbled again.

[Board Game Geek]

...9 from Outer Space. The final frontier, wars without tears, for fears. The Reaper ? Man on the run. To the Hills. Have eyes ? For you ? Probably think this song is about you. Know how I feel ? You ? Oughtta know ! You never think you know why ? Do birds suddenly appear, everytime you are near ? Wild Heaven, is a place on Earth...

[sasguru]

While eveyone was asleep, dreaming and fantasising with their disturbed, jealous dreams, sasguru was deciding which of his lovely harem he would favour that night. He had a constant stream of single maidens constantly lined up outside his mansion, drawn by the stories told of his gigantic manhood. So famous was it, that he had heard that the legendary goldsmith, er ...Jimmy Goldsmith, had fashioned a supposedly life-size gold model of his cock. Sasguru smiled a satisfied smile. Little did they know that the sculpture was a mere quarter size of the real thing. Thinking about cindy, his favourite in the harem, sasguru fainted as the blood drained away into his gigantic manhood. Damn, why did that always happen? Meanwhile Scotspine waited with bated breath, he had a plan ....

[MarillionFan]

Marillionfan stood at the door to Sasgurus house. He could here rustling behing the door and a shadow moved in the darkness. One of the seven dwarves he thought.

He looked over his shoulder. Surely Sally Anne couldnt be far behind. He new she wouldnt have walked the 100 yards from the factory but surely she would have hailed a cab by now. Time was off the essence.

My how he wanted to get his hand on Sasgurus cock. It was legendary. Since the operation no-one had seen it. Sasgurus famous cock had been sort after for decades but he kept it hidden.

It appeared on a TV show in the 70s. The Rod Hull and Emu show it was. Six foot tall, Bernie Clifton would parade around in it, pecking at the children. Marillionfan had to have it, a collector of 70s TV kitsch, but since Sasguru had turned to a lady he hadnt shown it.

Meanwhile across town Captain Scotspine left the station......

[SallyAnne]

...it was MarillionFan. He had made it there before SallyAnne, as he knew that was where she would be heading.

He had pulled off the ultimate double bluff - he really HAD seen her on the stairway, yet he had pretended otherwise. He knew he could hide in the cupboard of SASGuru's doorway until SallyAnne appearred, and wait until she traded her prize with his money, and then, and only then, he could satisfy his lifetimes dream....his one and only goal in life.....his deepest, most powerful urge......he could finally get hold of SASGuru's cock.

[MarillionFan]

Sasguru was sat at his desk. A tin of polish, lid open sat to the side and a german war helmet on the desk. Sasguru was going to enjoy this.

Suddenly there was a bang at the door, Sasguru jumped up quickly and he was exposed to the whole world.

A small man in every way. Sasguru stood 4ft 2'' high with a large hunch on his back. His gnarled fingers pulled at his trousers which were around his ankles. In an instance most would have assumed him an ugly female hunchback but the operation had been a success and as a hermphrodite he could pleasure himself when he wanted.

A large looming figure cast a shadow through the window of the doorway....

[bogeyman]

Then from the corner of his eye, something glinted in the moonlight, something golden.....

Something, wet and glistening...

It was a beaver with a tiny golden phallus gripped between it's formidable incisors.

"I think this is yours" said Barry.

[SallyAnne]

SallyAnne picked up enough courage to flee before MarrillionFan had seen her - she hoped to god he hadn't caught that slight glimmer of light as the sun shone through the factory windows and beamed off the golden cock.

She had to think quickly - where could she go? What she needed was a guru - a Seller of Antique Sex-instruments, but there was only one of those SAS Gurus in the neighbourhood that she knew of. He was without doubt the biggest expert of cocks she'd ever known, but was she brave enough to go and see him after all the recent media attention?

[MarillionFan]

Damn those poor cows cried Marillionfan all going to the slaughter. He tried to dry his eyes, the copy of Farmers Weekly soaking with his tears.

Damn thought Marillionfan as he played with his flies. Why does this zipper keep working loose. I must get a new pair of trousers.

Marillionfan walked out of the half light and into glare of moonlight streaming through the skylight. Removing his backpack and taking off his baseball cap Marillionfan laughed out loud. The number of times these items gave the impression of a balding fat man in the half light made him chuckle.

The bag fell to the floor and he stetched his muscular body. A tear glinting in the moonlight, damn those meat eaters he thought. DAMN THEM ALL TO HELL.

Then from the corner of his eye, something glinted in the moonlight, something golden.....

[Bagpuss]

Before her stood a physical wreck of a man. A solitary hair protruded from his balding pate as if making a last defiant stance against the advancing onset of middle-age. His belt strained under the weight of his gigantic protruding belly overhanging his decidedly unfashionable stonewashed denim jeans.

As he wiped his profusely sweating forehead, he gave a nervous blushing smile, and hurriedly zipped his fly. His left foot nervously twitching and attempting to close the copy of farmers weekly he had open on the floor.

Why he was perusing the cattle auction gallery was a mystery. although the messy residue on the floor made Sally suspicious of possible sinister goings on prior to her arrival.

[SallyAnne]

Sally Anne had known exactly who she was dealing with - she had heard tales of the castrated millionaire since even before her contracting days, and for a while now she had pursued him from the shadows, silently, patiently waiting for her moment to strike.

As the wind had blew the kilt up, she had seen for herself that the rumours were in fact true - he DID have a solid gold, imitation penis!

"This could be my ticket out from this life of sinister kink" she thought as she pounced on the frail, slightly slow Scotspine. Within seconds, she had removed the valuable strap-on, and she was away. That 9 day detox had made her quite sprightly as she fled down the alley, and through the abandoned factory.

She was proud of herself. She really had got the "money shot" she thought to herself, smiling smugly.

Suddenly, as if from nowhere, SallyAnne started to hear music. It was a faint, familiar sounding tune, which seemed to be coming from the second floor of the factory.
SallyAnne knew that she should flee from the abandoned factory, and head straight to a place of safety to protect her new prize, but she couldn't resist finding out what the music was, and so headed for the stairs.

As she climbed the stairs, the music became louder. "Lavenders blue dilly dilly, lavenders green". SallyAnne stood still in her tracks!! It was MarillionFan, and he had found her!!!

[MarillionFan]

Meanwhile across town, Captain Scotspine adjusted his sporran.

'Tis a braw brick nicht tonicht' he said out loud to no-one in particular
'Tis trouble's a brewing'.

Scotspine gazed out the through the administrators window, his breath misting the pain. Rain drizzled down the outside and the lights from the city sparkled against the window.

His thoughts drifted. He could see her now, insatiable hunger, strong, powerful. He felt a yearning in his loins, one he couldnt understand.

But he was half the man he was a year ago. He'd been taken by surprise by Ex-Contract, now high class hooker Sally Anne.

It started as a routine piece of work. Racist, homophobia, trolls he knew them all, but she had been seen around town. First came the reports, then finally he met her himself. Trawling the back alleys for wrong doers he noticed a hunched figure behind the bins of a local chinese takeaway. Load noises emanated from the figure and Scotspine had shone his torch in that direction. Like lightening the hunched figure dropped the remaining Spring roll and leapt, spotting an all together more appetising meal.

Scotspine had wished he hadnt worn his kilt that day. It was cold, wet and windy. The wind had caught him at the exact moment he had shone his torch and the hunched figure had spotted something much more appealing.

Scotspine winced as he remembered. Once a proud quarter pounder, it was little more than a 2oz'er now.

[Swamp Thing]

“At last”, muttered the Lone Gunman to himself. “The 'disposal' of Chico;that should raise my, ahem, contract rate handsomely, MWAAARHAHAHAHA!!!!”

[The Lone Gunman]

I prefer not to think of it as murder, I am in the field of garbage disposal, the definition of garbage and disposal is defined by the contract. This was a particularly messy definition.

[SallyAnne]

This had happenned to Johnny many times in his life - his mind was willing, but his manhood wasn't.
Sally, however, was very used to this. Being a professional in her field, she had many a trick up her sleeve to leave her gentlemen "friends" very satisfied, no matter how penisly challenged they were.

With an appetite for sexual mischief as strong as her appetite for food, Sally grabbed hold of Johnny's arse and pulled him so close to her naked, hair free....

"AAAAAARRRGGGGGHHHHH!"

The high pitched scream that came from the flat directly above Johnny's made them freeze with terror! It was a scream like no other....it could only mean one thing - the Lone Gunman had struck again! Another murder