Overheard conversations that make you giggle...

[scooterscot]

This one time in Glasgow:

"How much?
Short Bartender: 18,000.
Tavo: F$ck. Should we pay him or kill him? More for us...
Short Bartender: I have a house payment.
Tavo, Short Bartender:Kill 'em."

[mudskipper]

Two chav types in Currys, trying out a 3D tele, one said to the other (both with specs on):

" Wouldn it be great if real life looked like this like"

(Totally true and heard my me, like)

My 3d vision is crap - the only time I really see 3d is with silly glasses on. Maybe he's the same (it's quite common - one eye dominates)

[doodab]

My father has arthritic hands and was struggling to do something. I was in quite a lot of pain at the time and struggling to bend over to do something, so I suggested we swap jobs.

It came out as "you bend over and I'll use my thumbs"

[Gibbon]

Two chav types in Currys, trying out a 3D tele, one said to the other (both with specs on):

" Wouldn it be great if real life looked like this like"

(Totally true and heard my me, like)

[stek]

One evening in the early eighties, fell asleep in front of the telly, BBC, remember it went off at about 11:30pm then and you got the little dot and 'booooooo' tone....

Woke up about 1:00am dot and tone still going, then out of telly came;

"Well turn the bloody thing off then!"

Suspect it was a BBC gaffer telling the dot and tone man to turn them off - left the mike on and not directed at me personally!

[MojoDog]

Overheard on a submarine base - two matelots returning from a night out and weaving unsteadily.

"I mean, I've eaten tulip with the best of them, but what she wanted me to do was disgusting..."

Overheard in a Glasgow cinema: "git yer hands oot ma knickers...not you...YOU!"

[pjclarke]

Three Tuns pub, Bishops Castle ..

We went to see a lovely unaccompanied singing group last week, you know, that Acapulco ....

[stek]

On the bus into Leeds City Centre a while back, chap gets on, says;

"Single to Armley Jail, please....."

My Missus to me in the car when she nearly pulled out in front of a car when she was turning right;

"Well how am I supposed to see a grey car on grey asphalt......"

Me (in full Lancastrian dialect mode) at lunchtime at BT in Leeds on NHS Spine when a mate asked if I was going for lunch;

"No, I've eaten, cock"

You can't say commas.....

[evilagent]

not exactly overhead, but on last nights Embarassing Bodies....

A girl had continuous hiccups for about 4 months.

The doctors asked the mom whether her daughter had tests etc.
The mother replied to the effect of "Yes, we went to the GP, and a ENT specialist. She's even had a brain scan. They found nothing".

[JRCT]

Overheard in the restaurant at the BBC some years back...

"...Cock, Piss, Partridge on the side; so I'm effectively driving around in a pornographic car..."

Sorry to be a pedant, but I think you'll find that was said at the Travel Tavern. The conversation in the BBC restaurant was

"So it now says cook, where it once said cock and pass where it once said piss. Slightly less rude".



I was in the gents - AT WORK - only yesterday and one guy walked in all of a fluster and his mate said "Are you alright?" "No. I forgot my pants".

I just walked out.

[stek]

Overheard in the restaurant at the BBC some years back...

"...Cock, Piss, Partridge on the side; so I'm effectively driving around in a pornographic car..."

[Mich the Tester]

One coffee lady to another;

- I went to a spinning class yesterday

- Spinning? Is that cycling underwater?