Reply to: Requirements gathering in IBs

[Bacchus]

I'll do you over 1500m on treadmills on Skype. Are you game?

Me oh my. Phone sex has really moved on!

[Old Greg]

No no no ... I picked up an Australian passport in my early 30s...there are a lot of very happy Brits over there in Oz.
Laughing at you people stuck in a second rate country, jacked up on debt. I wouldn't want to bring kids up in the UK these days. It was ok 30 years ago but now it's full of drugs, crime, paedos and increasingly poor weather. Selfish of you to impose that on your kids. You can't even let them out to climb trees anymore, it's not safe in the UK.

So are you in Oz now? Or did you say Switzerland in another thread?

[aussielong]

You are all in bred and descended from convicted criminals, have poisonous spiders, are all called Diz or Niv and you shag kangaroos.

For that reason I'm out.

No no no ... I picked up an Australian passport in my early 30s...there are a lot of very happy Brits over there in Oz.
Laughing at you people stuck in a second rate country, jacked up on debt. I wouldn't want to bring kids up in the UK these days. It was ok 30 years ago but now it's full of drugs, crime, paedos and increasingly poor weather. Selfish of you to impose that on your kids. You can't even let them out to climb trees anymore, it's not safe in the UK.

[suityou01]

I'm feeling a lot of jealousy coming my way on this thread.

If you guys could get permanent residence in Australia , you'd jump at the chance. But you're all too old and committed to a hard life in the UK.

You should of been more ambitious in your 20s.

You are all in bred and descended from convicted criminals, have poisonous spiders, are all called Diz or Niv and you shag kangaroos.

For that reason I'm out.

[aussielong]

It could be much much worse, he could be Australian.

I'm feeling a lot of jealousy coming my way on this thread.

If you guys could get permanent residence in Australia , you'd jump at the chance. But you're all too old and committed to a hard life in the UK.

You should of been more ambitious in your 20s.

[suityou01]

If only papa hadn't been so hard on you assguru, you might have made something of yourself, instead of failing at programming and moving into low-level report writing, while your Mrs works with men who laugh at you and your eco-shed.

It could be much much worse, he could be Australian.

[aussielong]

Reading this thread is like that moment just before take-off and the engines start spooling up. The unbearable whining is just the same.
Face it Oz, you're a single, middle-aged third-rater in a second-class city.
Personally and professionally unsuccessful, you haven't even made any money from the property boom.
here's your life till you retire in poverty: eating tulip from traders in IBs who despise you because you define loser.

If only papa hadn't been so hard on you assguru, you might have made something of yourself, instead of failing at programming and moving into low-level report writing, while your Mrs works with men who laugh at you and your eco-shed.

[sasguru]

Reading this thread is like that moment just before take-off and the engines start spooling up. The unbearable whining is just the same.
Face it Oz, you're a single, middle-aged third-rater in a second-class city.
Personally and professionally unsuccessful, you haven't even made any money from the property boom.
here's your life till you retire in poverty: eating tulip from traders in IBs who despise you because you define loser.

[Old Greg]

Are you premenstrual?

So are you in Switzerland, AL?

[aussielong]

AUSTRALIA

Which Englishman has not dreamt of emigrating to this
cultural paradise with it's glorious climate, subtropical
contrasts, sun kissed beaches and Opera House?

The Men

All the foul mouthed, muscle headed Australian heterosexuals
are over here writing novels and shop-lifting. The men left
at home are largely homosexuals, transvestites and
collectors of decadent Viennese Art. All the women look
like Olivia Newton-John, but so do all the men. Sydney, in
fact, not San Francisco, is the drag capital of the world.
The parade of blond, muscle-bound, homosexual men on Bondi
and Kirribillee is internationally famous, but less
adequately built Englishmen in these locations may yet do
well simply by offering to oil the topless girls, whether or
not they are accompanied by their 'gayboy'. If he attempts
to interfere, push him gently but firmly aside - their
musculature is strictly for show.
The evolutionary effect of this widespread inversion and
surfboard bonding is that it now takes an average of eight
Australian men to satisfy one woman. This results in the
practice known as 'next cab off the rank'. An English girl
who couples with an Australian should know that she will be
expected to oblige consecutively his peers as well, up to
the number of eight. The phenomenon also accounts for
Australia's all-white immigration party, for fear of
spoiling the domestic market with unfair competition.

The Women

The gratitude of Australian women brought to a climax is
famous throughout the world and accounts for the often
substandard performance of visiting sporting teams kept up
all night by the wives of the Australian representatives.
That some English Test teams were too boss-eyed to find a
way to the wicket on recent Test tours is not to be taken to
be a matter of wonder.
Because normal Australian housewives are for the above
reasons, prepared to do anything with any foreigner who
asks, prostitution is rare. (On a recent fact finding
mission to Darwin, my investigator formed a sexual
connection with a domestic air hostess in the Nothing To
Declare queue before setting foot in Australia proper.)
However, women may be paid a modest honorarium - the unit of
currency is often a jumboburger - and this is not thought to
indicate a moral lapse?

The Most Common Form Of Sexual Activity

Casual lesbianism is often resorted to by housewives, and
their favourite practice is to smear themselves with
Vegemite at Tupperware parties and lick each other clean.

Venues For Tupperware Parties

746 Inkerman Drive, Sydney 4006
612 Marine Avenue, sydney 7070
4006 Marie Celeste Road, Melbourne (Marmite is preferred
here, Melbourne being a trifle more sophisticated than it's
brash sister, Sydney.)

Nightclubs, Bondage Bars and Venues for Meeting Dental
Hygienists

The Duke Of Devonshire ('Soft lights and candles up your
pussy'), 1347 Kings Cross, Sydney, caters for most tastes.
Visitors are welcome and most credit cards are taken.

What They Think Of Us

Handsome, raffish cavaliers whose occasional failings at the
wicket are more than compensated for by our off the seam
successes in bed.

Are you premenstrual?

[aussielong]

Yeah, well Dodgy and I fell out a while ago, and I think you might have succeeded in getting us laughing together again, so maybe we will dine out someday and spend, ooh, maybe 3 seconds chuckling about whining Aussies.

3 seconds? Is that how long you last?

Bad luck Dodgy.

[darmstadt]

AUSTRALIA

Which Englishman has not dreamt of emigrating to this
cultural paradise with it's glorious climate, subtropical
contrasts, sun kissed beaches and Opera House?

The Men

All the foul mouthed, muscle headed Australian heterosexuals
are over here writing novels and shop-lifting. The men left
at home are largely homosexuals, transvestites and
collectors of decadent Viennese Art. All the women look
like Olivia Newton-John, but so do all the men. Sydney, in
fact, not San Francisco, is the drag capital of the world.
The parade of blond, muscle-bound, homosexual men on Bondi
and Kirribillee is internationally famous, but less
adequately built Englishmen in these locations may yet do
well simply by offering to oil the topless girls, whether or
not they are accompanied by their 'gayboy'. If he attempts
to interfere, push him gently but firmly aside - their
musculature is strictly for show.
The evolutionary effect of this widespread inversion and
surfboard bonding is that it now takes an average of eight
Australian men to satisfy one woman. This results in the
practice known as 'next cab off the rank'. An English girl
who couples with an Australian should know that she will be
expected to oblige consecutively his peers as well, up to
the number of eight. The phenomenon also accounts for
Australia's all-white immigration party, for fear of
spoiling the domestic market with unfair competition.

The Women

The gratitude of Australian women brought to a climax is
famous throughout the world and accounts for the often
substandard performance of visiting sporting teams kept up
all night by the wives of the Australian representatives.
That some English Test teams were too boss-eyed to find a
way to the wicket on recent Test tours is not to be taken to
be a matter of wonder.
Because normal Australian housewives are for the above
reasons, prepared to do anything with any foreigner who
asks, prostitution is rare. (On a recent fact finding
mission to Darwin, my investigator formed a sexual
connection with a domestic air hostess in the Nothing To
Declare queue before setting foot in Australia proper.)
However, women may be paid a modest honorarium - the unit of
currency is often a jumboburger - and this is not thought to
indicate a moral lapse?

The Most Common Form Of Sexual Activity

Casual lesbianism is often resorted to by housewives, and
their favourite practice is to smear themselves with
Vegemite at Tupperware parties and lick each other clean.

Venues For Tupperware Parties

746 Inkerman Drive, Sydney 4006
612 Marine Avenue, sydney 7070
4006 Marie Celeste Road, Melbourne (Marmite is preferred
here, Melbourne being a trifle more sophisticated than it's
brash sister, Sydney.)

Nightclubs, Bondage Bars and Venues for Meeting Dental
Hygienists

The Duke Of Devonshire ('Soft lights and candles up your
pussy'), 1347 Kings Cross, Sydney, caters for most tastes.
Visitors are welcome and most credit cards are taken.

What They Think Of Us

Handsome, raffish cavaliers whose occasional failings at the
wicket are more than compensated for by our off the seam
successes in bed.

[Mich the Tester]

Yeah right. You'll be dining out on that little gem.

Yeah, well Dodgy and I fell out a while ago, and I think you might have succeeded in getting us laughing together again, so maybe we will dine out someday and spend, ooh, maybe 3 seconds chuckling about whining Aussies.

[aussielong]

Nah, I don't think we'll bother.

Yeah right. You'll be dining out on that little gem.

[DodgyAgent]

My statement had at least 3 meanings..

You would think that at least one of them would make sense