Originally posted by EternalOptimist
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Thanks for explaining one option.
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er..Originally posted by Dactylion View Post
not really. not a penguin.
look. no one is forcing you, it's your choice. but, if you want to, you can fook offLeave a comment:
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Blooming heck
I went for a few ales
when I came back, i'd missed a herd of elephants.
What is worse than missing a herd of elephants ?
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An explorer in the Niger delta was surprised by the sheer size of the local mens' marriage tackle, and enquired to their chief how they had managed to grow such impressive appendages; was it perhaps the local food or some exotic ointment?
'Beans', said the chief
'Beans!' exclaimed the explorer and asked 'what kind of beans, old bean? Brown beans?'
'No, no brown beans', said the chief'.
'I say, runner beans' the explorer enquired further
'No, no runnah beans' said the chief
'Well I'm a bit stuck on this, what kind of beans should I eat?' said the explorer, curiously
'No, no eat dah beans' said the chief, wagging his finger sternly.
'Well what am I to make of this; you say beans, but I'm not to eat them and I don't know what kind of beans'
The chief bent forward and said in a deep, deep voice 'Every day...'
'Yes', the explorer brought his ear closer to the chief, who then shouted in a booming voice;
'You put it in Yoo-man Beans!'Leave a comment:
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There was this explorer right. Him and his mate were crossing Africa when they were surrounded by warriors weilding assegi's.
They roughed them up a bit then took them to the kraal and tied them to a couple of totem poles.
After a few hours in the sun , they were wilting, then all of a sudden the drums started.
Boom.. boom ...boom... boom...
and the tribe started getting exited. Then the king swept in, flanked by his guards, feathers in his headband.
He had a quick word with the witch doctor then approached the first explorer.
In perfect Oxford English -
'Why did you come here ? you were not invited. You come to our lands, poke around without a by your leave. Who do you think you are?'
'I give you a choice....DEATH OR UMBONGO'
So the explorer looks at his friend, looks at the chief then...'mm tricky choice' ....'I choose....UMBONGO'
The tribe went wild. UMBONGO UMBONGO UMBONGO.
The drums beat louder and faster.
boom ..boom..boom..boom..
The witch doctor approached with a sharp knife, cut his bonds. Two warriors pulled him forward and bent him over a log, tied him then pulled his kecks down.
Ten oiled muscely warriors marched out of a grass hut, lined up behind the explorer and one by one they ....well, you can guess.
All the while the tribespeople danced up and down , the drums beat and they chanted UMBONGO, UMBONGO.
When the wariors were done, they cut the explorer from the log. he lay crumpled in a heap.
The chief had a quick word with the witch doctor then approached the second explorer.
In perfect Oxford English -
'Why did you come here ? you were not invited. You come to our lands, poke around without a by your leave. Who do you think you are?'
'I give you a choice....DEATH OR UMBONGO'
The second englishman looks at his friend, tried to get some moisture then spat on the ground
'I am English. I will not allow myself to fall prey to your heathen ways. I choose..DEATH'
The crowd went berserk. The drums beat even faster BOOM BOOM BOOM. Then the crowd started chanting
Death by Umbongo, death by Umbongo
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If you drive through a national park the giraffes just amble across the road in front of you and sometimes just stop to look down on you. Don't blow raspberries at them; it offends them.Originally posted by EternalOptimist View PostLeave a comment:
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