Return of the start button

[MarillionFan]

Dear Ranjit Shawadiwadi (may I call you Bob?),

Thanks for your prompt response, I am very sorry to hear that Clippit has been caught up in all that awful showbiz unpleasantness. Thanks for being so kind as to raise the cost of Windows by a mere $99 to protect us from all those unsavoury types, it's most generous of you, some might say this is some sort of 'rip off' but clearly they are missing the big picture and probably use those awful Mac or Linux computers that Bill Gates says we should stay away from.

I look forward to being charged for future improvements to security, perhaps you could consider adding chess and minesweeper back as I find it most confusing when anything anywhere changes, ever, for any reason. Perhaps adding minesweeper back will increase security on my computator?

Thanks again Bob.

Yours truly,

Terry Ravenscroft

Dear Terry

Thank you for your kinds words. I agree a mere $99 is a great price to pay, unlike some others we are not some kind of 'nickel and dime company', but alas I can continue more with this correspondence as you are not a Gold Certified Partner or above. To be able to continue, please feel free to follow the link www.howtosignuptomicrosoftandgetrippedoff and sign up today for a mere $999 per month and we can discuss further.

Yours

'Bob

[Amiga500]

Dear Terry

Thank you for your recent letter regarding the re-appearance of the Start button in Windows 8. Funnily enough this has been a hotly debated subject on the Internet, with focus groups, conferences and even with our own internal employees.

After a review it appeared that the new Orb style button had been responsible for a significant increase in Internet related Fraud from India with companies phoning up unsuspecting Windows users pretending to be from Microsoft. The fraud was to let the customer know that the Start label of the button was missing and so their license had run out. For a nominal fee of $100 the companies promised to fix that after getting remote access. We decided as a company that it would be best if we just increased the fee of windows by $99 and put the label back, thus saving everyone the problem. I hope this will suffice.

Regarding Clippit, I am afraid that this character will not be returning to Windows anytime soon as he is presently being interviewed by the police as part of Operation Yewtree.

Thank you for your ongoing custom.

Ranjit Shawadiwadi (Head of Customer Services)

Dear Ranjit Shawadiwadi (may I call you Bob?),

Thanks for your prompt response, I am very sorry to hear that Clippit has been caught up in all that awful showbiz unpleasantness. Thanks for being so kind as to raise the cost of Windows by a mere $99 to protect us from all those unsavoury types, it's most generous of you, some might say this is some sort of 'rip off' but clearly they are missing the big picture and probably use those awful Mac or Linux computers that Bill Gates says we should stay away from.

I look forward to being charged for future improvements to security, perhaps you could consider adding chess and minesweeper back as I find it most confusing when anything anywhere changes, ever, for any reason. Perhaps adding minesweeper back will increase security on my computator?

Thanks again Bob.

Yours truly,

Terry Ravenscroft

[MarillionFan]

Dear Microsoft,

I am writing to complain about the disappearance of the Windows Start button. In it's place is a strange sort of translucent orb with a Windows logo, perhaps a button of some sort? I've not clicked this of course as it does not say start on it, that would just be foolhardy, God knows what it does?

Anyway please reinstate the Start button as soon as possible as I have no idea of how to access the start menu without a button that explicitly has the word start written on it and therefore can't possibly use my computator.

Please also restore Clippit the paperclip in Microsoft Word, who helps me write letters and that funny dog that helps me search for files, I am completely lost without these features.

Thanks for your help,

Terry Ravenscroft

Dear Terry

Thank you for your recent letter regarding the re-appearance of the Start button in Windows 8. Funnily enough this has been a hotly debated subject on the Internet, with focus groups, conferences and even with our own internal employees.

After a review it appeared that the new Orb style button had been responsible for a significant increase in Internet related Fraud from India with companies phoning up unsuspecting Windows users pretending to be from Microsoft. The fraud was to let the customer know that the Start label of the button was missing and so their license had run out. For a nominal fee of $100 the companies promised to fix that after getting remote access. We decided as a company that it would be best if we just increased the fee of windows by $99 and put the label back, thus saving everyone the problem. I hope this will suffice.

Regarding Clippit, I am afraid that this character will not be returning to Windows anytime soon as he is presently being interviewed by the police as part of Operation Yewtree.

Thank you for your ongoing custom.

Ranjit Shawadiwadi (Head of Customer Services)

[Amiga500]

Dear Microsoft,

I am writing to complain about the disappearance of the Windows Start button. In it's place is a strange sort of translucent orb with a Windows logo, perhaps a button of some sort? I've not clicked this of course as it does not say start on it, that would just be foolhardy, God knows what it does?

Anyway please reinstate the Start button as soon as possible as I have no idea of how to access the start menu without a button that explicitly has the word start written on it and therefore can't possibly use my computator.

Please also restore Clippit the paperclip in Microsoft Word, who helps me write letters and that funny dog that helps me search for files, I am completely lost without these features.

Thanks for your help,

Terry Ravenscroft

[TheFaQQer]

So you have to click Start in order to Stop (shutdown) the computer?

Ooh, it's 1995 all over again.

[DimPrawn]

So you have to click Start in order to Stop (shutdown) the computer?

[bless 'em all]

I'd prefer to see a STOP button.

Is there a Windows App for that?

[Durbs]

Microsoft have confirmed they are adding an image to the UI with 'Start' written on it for people who are too stupid to realise the Modern UI they already have IS in fact an enhanced Start menu

Fixed that.

[suityou01]

Link

Microsoft is offering a free upgrade and will unveil version 8.1 of Windows at its annual developers conference in San Francisco.

Windows 8, with its new tablet-style, isn't compatible with much of the company's other software and many customers say they preferred the more traditional layout of its predecessor.

Microsoft has already confirmed that a Start button is returning to the desktop mode's taskbar.