Reply to: Demystifying Agent Speak

[SeekingIT]

[QUOTE=vetran;1747534]I'm sorry Mike is out he is still very interested in you for that job. I will get him to give you a call
Like hell he is sitting next me wetting himself", you have more chance of Jessica Alba calling you and asking for a threesome with You & Halle Berry.


Now thats a nice visualization!!!!

[evilagent]

I see you're working at Acme Co
You are clearly fishing to find something elsewhere, else you wouldn't have uploaded your CV to
17 different jobsites.
Whilst we're fishing together, do you know Fred at Acme Co?

Talk me through your CV
Your writing skills are appalling, and the CV merely lists various technical skills, but with no context of the type of project, your involvement, and how you helped deliver results.
Could you translate it into english that I can use to market your skills.

[evilagent]

Hi, I have a great role you're just perfect for

Hi, I do have a great role, and you're the fourth person I am speaking to about it.
Listen, I really want to tell you you're the centre of the universe, but truthfully,
there are better candidates out there, but I need to keep my options open if the
best candidate goes elsewhere

[hyperD]

"Sure, but can I speak to him?"

"I'm afraid he's in a meeting right now, if you give me your number I'll get him to call you back as soon as he's out of it, have you got a crayon and some drawing paper and perhaps a job spec?"

Said that and the recruitment salesman exploded like a baboon being poked with a stick in a glass cage in a zoo.

[SussexSeagull]

I will call you back

You will never hear from me again

[SueEllen]

How would a role in <any location> be for you - is that near home?
I might have looked at where you are based, but unless it's London, I have no idea where anywhere else in the country is, particularly if you are in the north - is Yorkshire close to Aberdeen?

It's even better if you live in London you get:

1. The role is based in <place in London> which is far from you. How long will it take you to travel there?
   When the CV they actually have a copy of clearly states where you live which is two miles away
2. Oh you live in London So you have no problems getting there.
   When you live the opposite side of London and the job is actually on the border of one of the home counties.

[suityou01]

Company policy

Try this, the next time you get a call from an Agency in a crap market.

"Hi, can I speak to Suity please?"

"May I ask who's calling?"

"Yeah sure, it's mike at ******* international?"

"Will he know what it's regarding?"

"No, I just want to check his availability for a role that's all"

"Ah, ok fine, his availability is now, his rate is £xxx"

"Sure, but can I speak to him?"

"I'm afraid he's in a meeting right now, if you give me your number I'll get him to call you back as soon as he's out of it, or better yet why not drop him an email with some details, and perhaps a job spec?"

[Old Greg]

Would you be interested in a permanent role?

Kick me to the ground and stamp on my face until my cheekbones snap like autumn twigs. I deserve it.

[TheFaQQer]

The role is based in <a convenient location to you>
Once your security clearance has come through, which could take up to six months. Even when it does, you'll still be based in Slough because that's where the project is, but if I told you that from the start you wouldn't have been interested.

[amcdonald]

How would a role in <any location> be for you - is that near home?
I might have looked at where you are based, but unless it's London, I have no idea where anywhere else in the country is, particularly if you are in the north - is Yorkshire close to Aberdeen?

Or worse they plain lie about the location....

I was offered a role 'close to London', agent speak meaning the HQ was in London, the interview would be in London, but it would involve commuting to Edinburgh 5 days a week

[Zippy]

So I see you're working at Acme Co?

Yep.

Oh Fred works there doesn't he? We've done quite a lot of business with Fred and SAP over there.

(Fred hasn't worked at Acme for two years. They have never used SAP. ) It's just so bloody insulting.

[Zippy]

I have a number of roles that I'm recruiting for
That number is zero

[TheFaQQer]

I've got an exciting opportunity
I've got a permanent role, which is pretty boring, and 40% less than you earn at the moment.

[TheFaQQer]

Is this a good time to talk?
I'm going to rabbit on anyway, regardless of your reply

In the interest of fairness, not all agents ask this question.

If they don't, it's a fishing exercise because they aren't interested in inconveniencing you.

[TheFaQQer]

How would a role in <any location> be for you - is that near home?
I might have looked at where you are based, but unless it's London, I have no idea where anywhere else in the country is, particularly if you are in the north - is Yorkshire close to Aberdeen?