Friday poem...

[Phoenix]

This is what we find

Home improvement expert Harold Hill of Harold Hill,

Of do-it-yourself dexterity and double glazing skill,

Came home to find another gentleman's kippers in the grill.

So he sanded off his winkle with a Black & Decker drill...

[n5gooner]

Your Missus

I never believed what people said
That me missus liked other blokes in her bed
So I'll tell you my story,
Each word it is true
Just in case it should happen to you

Came home from work
Early one night
Walked into my house
And had quite a fright
My missus was chained
From her toes to her head!
She saw me and fainted -
When recovered she said......

"Oh Harry, you gave me a terrible shock -
I was trying my lovely new chain-mail frock!!"

I chose to believe when I looked in her eyes
Just couldn't conceive that she'd ever tell lies

Then later that week
On returning from darts
I noticed my wife had the terrible farts
I asked her "Pour quoi?"
She replied as such -
"The eggs, they were off
And I ate far too much!!"

I thought nothing of it,
Settled down for a nap,
But was aroused from my slumber
By our squeaky cat-flap

I thought this quite odd
As our cat was long dead
Then through sleepy-hazed eyes
I could see this blokes head!

I jumped from my chair
And I pointed with blame
"This man is your lover,
Now tell me his name!"

She tried to stay calm
But her voiced dripped with fear
And she feebly offered.......
"It's the milkman my dear!"

I should have paid heed
To the words people said
Indeed it did seem
That she liked 'giving head'!

I confronted her thus,
In response she did say,
"But to you I can't do it -
I think that you're gay!"

I took a deep breath
Told her "Don't hit the roof,
But it seems now's the time
For the sharing of truth.........

Don't take it too hard,
But the truth of all this
Is the 'Mr' you married
Was at one time a 'Miss'!!"