Afternoon Tea in Shaftesbury

[Malcolm Buggeridge]

Some years ago my friend and I visited a tea-shop in Monmouth, and we couldn't help but notice two large ladies on the next table, tucking into a large plate of cream cakes. I have to say they looked delicious and so we ordered some to eat while we sipped our creamy coffees.

To cut a long story short, after devouring several of these calorie-laden wares of the establishment, the two large ladies proceeded to pour themselves a second cup of tea - then add sweeteners to it! The irony was not lost on my friend and I, and we immediately descended into fits of the giggles, but of course we had to pretend we were laughing at something else.

Yes, there is a class of provincial country woman who likes to frequent such establishments.

I was eavesdropping a conversation between a group of such ladies in the tearoom mentioned in my OP and they were quizzing each other as to whether or not they had lit-up yet.

I was thinking that they were surreptitiously smoking e-cigarettes or some such thing but it turned out they were enquiring about firing up their Agas for the start of autumn.

Incidentally, I'm never quite sure whether Monmouth is in Wales or England. Does anyone know or is it a sort of twilight county?

It's in Wales but the road that leads to it from a southerly direction follows the route of the River Wye and the nationality of each village that one passes through alternates between English and Welsh as the road seems to constantly switch between the two countries.

[BrilloPad]

Do you suffer from IBS perchance?

Irritable Buggeridge Syndrone?

[Doggy Styles]

Malc, I also like a good tea-shop and on our travels my friends and I never miss an opportunity to insert ourselves for a relaxing half-hour or so. Your tale reminds me of a mildly amusing story.

Some years ago my friend and I visited a tea-shop in Monmouth, and we couldn't help but notice two large ladies on the next table, tucking into a large plate of cream cakes. I have to say they looked delicious and so we ordered some to eat while we sipped our creamy coffees.

To cut a long story short, after devouring several of these calorie-laden wares of the establishment, the two large ladies proceeded to pour themselves a second cup of tea - then add sweeteners to it! The irony was not lost on my friend and I, and we immediately descended into fits of the giggles, but of course we had to pretend we were laughing at something else.

Incidentally, I'm never quite sure whether Monmouth is in Wales or England. Does anyone know or is it a sort of twilight county?

[sasguru]

I have a friend who suffered similarly. He used Anusol, and judging by the rapid lightening of his demeanour, I would heartily recommend it.

I bet you do

[Doggy Styles]

No, but Spod does get irritated by arseholes quite easily.

Might I suggest a good hemorrhoid cream, spread firmly over one's grapes?

I have a friend who suffered similarly. He used Anusol, and judging by the rapid lightening of his demeanour, I would heartily recommend it.

[Troll]

“Last on my round was Old Ma Peggotty’s house. ’Twas like taking bread to the top of the world.”

[SupremeSpod]

You are a very angry man.

Do you suffer from IBS perchance?

Angry? Nope.

IBS? Nope.

W4nker intolerance, oh yes.

[DimPrawn]

You are a very angry man.

Do you suffer from IBS perchance?

No, but Spod does get irritated by arseholes quite easily.

[Malcolm Buggeridge]

I can rest assured whether you post your sh!te or you don't.

Whom is it you are wishing to edify?

You are a very angry man.

Do you suffer from IBS perchance?

[SupremeSpod]

You can rest assured it was an historic occassion

I can rest assured whether you post your sh!te or you don't.

Whom is it you are wishing to edify?

[Malcolm Buggeridge]

You've been reading too much "Michael Winner".

You can rest assured it was an historic occassion

[SupremeSpod]

Anyway, we both settled down in our seats in King Alfred's kitchen and found ourselves spoiled for choice by the veritable smorgasbord of country fayre on offer. I opted for the Somerset Cream Tea; delicious with a nice yellow crust on the clotted cream and the scones were marvellous. The wife opted for the savoury cream tea; Cheese scones with somerset cheddar and green tomato chutney. We both shared a pot of Lady Grey tea.

You've been reading too much "Michael Winner".

[darmstadt]

A sign of the times I suppose but the service was excellent and I rounded off our visit by tupping her handsomely in the lobby while the wife wasn't looking.

Shurely...

[hyperD]

A very well written, novelesque and informative post complimenting a wonderful feeling of settling down to a warm embrace of a comforting supper in twilight, Sir.

[Malcolm Buggeridge]

A gentle perambulation down the mellow cobbles of Gold Hill, Shaftesbury and a not so gentle climb back to the top, where the straining tables of Old Shaston awaited Buggeridge and wife in dire need of refreshment, form the first instalment of a series of visits to local tearooms.

Before I go into detail about the delectable gastronomic delights in which we indulged, a few words about Gold Hill.

Gold Hill served as the setting for that Hovis advert featuring the young boy pushing his bike up the hill to the strains of Dvorak's Symphony No. 9, better known to you and I as the New World Symphony. The advert, incidentally, was directed by one Ridley Scott.

Interestingly, its appellation of Gold Hill has nothing to do with the trading of gold nor the fashioning of trinquets made thereof in the establishments that flank its winding thoroughfare but to a ritual humiliation dating back to medieval times known as the Skimmington Ride in which adulterers and adulteresses would be stripped naked, painted gold and sat backwards on donkeys before being paraded through the streets to the jeers of the onlooking mob.

Anyway, we both settled down in our seats in King Alfred's kitchen and found ourselves spoiled for choice by the veritable smorgasbord of country fayre on offer. I opted for the Somerset Cream Tea; delicious with a nice yellow crust on the clotted cream and the scones were marvellous. The wife opted for the savoury cream tea; Cheese scones with somerset cheddar and green tomato chutney. We both shared a pot of Lady Grey tea.

This was all served to us by a rosey cheeked young slip of a thing in a gingham outfit who looked like she had stepped off the pages of a Hardy novel; her name was Svetlana. A sign of the times I suppose but the service was excellent and I rounded off our visit by tipping her handsomely in the lobby while the wife wasn't looking.